It's time....

....for a new blog post.
I'm sorry for a very long absence-has it really been 4 1/2 weeks??

I'm also sorry for lack of comments and I know many of you have been going through such tough times lately.I have no excuses for ditching blogger for a while- I just needed time out while I sorted out my fears and worries with my newfound status, and I don't think my posts would have been particularly inspiring over the last few weeks.

Why have I taken such a long break? I don't really have an answer for that, I just felt I needed a break from writing down my own experiences. After I wrote the last post at 8 1/2 weeks, I had another few days of on/off bleeding, right before my birthday.And I had just about reached my sanity limit.
I know I'm very very lucky to be pregnant despite having all the bleeding- but every time it happened I had no idea whether that was going to be 'really it' that time, or what the hell was going on....there was always that thought that maybe this would be the time that the bleeding wouldn't stop-that it would keep going. So I had yet another scan (that makes 5 so far-could be a new record for first trimester scans?) and baby was absolutely fine as per the other scans.
I've had these little goals in my head since I found out I was pregnant. 'If I make it to 6 weeks then I can relax a little' 'If I make it to 9 weeks...if I make it to 12 weeks' Every time I made those milestones I still wasn't able to completely relax or stop stressing. We had our 12 week scan on the 20th, it was amazing. We could see our baby in there moving like a mad thing. Stretching it's little legs, heart beating away....we have a strong healthy little bubba in there...but I still worried. So I made another goal in my head-' If I make it to 13 weeks and the midwife can hear the heartbeat-THEN I can relax'.

We saw our midwife on Monday, she found the heartbeat straight away, reassured me that it was nice and strong, and helped alleviate my fears that sleeping on my stomach wouldn't harm the baby-and then she told me to stop worrying.

So I finally gave myself a mental slap on the cheek and told myself to snap the f*ck out of it- No more worrying, no more stressing, no more googling and asking ridiculous questions like 'will violent spewing harm my baby' (yes the morning sickness stepped up a few notches at 10 weeks). I've stopped all of that-and feeling back to my old self again. Except I have a little passenger on board now, and I'm suddenly getting super excited about the fact that we get to meet our baby in 6 months time.
I even have a not-so-subtle bump to show for it. I'm pretty certain it's not just baby though, I've always had a wee pot belly to start with anyway, and I have eaten more than my fair share of fries and spinach pies lately. But I've been sticking out my belly proudly, and I don't give two hoots if anyone thinks I just look like a chubster, I know it's a baby bump and that's all that matters.

Soooo, I'm back, 13 weeks and 1 day, feeling very positive again.... and also feeling sad for friends who have been through some extremely tough and unfair times lately-Chon, Ree and Tee and Athena, and feeling hopeful that things will look up very soon for you.

And also just wanted to say Huge Congratulations to Haidee on the birth of her wee boy on Monday, so thrilled for you and looking forward to seeing photos!