Getting excited

So you're pregnant after IF.

NOW WHAT?


Hmmm let me see, obsessive underwear checking stopped?Nope still doing that.
Anxious waits for Blood tests over?...nooope, still doing that too.
Chucked away the pessaries and drugs? hmm nope still taking those!
But it's all different now even with those things continuing on, there's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, we're having a baby!

That first day we found out, although I was beside myself with joy, I also had feelings of guilt. I've heard people talk about survivors guilt and I didn't think it was something you felt straight away, but I did.

I'm just going to talk about it very openly here and I'm not meaning to offend anyone in any way, but that first day of texting and telling people was peppered with feelings of sadness because I knew that our news was so amazing for us, but possibly upsetting for others. We had a couple of wonderful friends who had recently had very upsetting news and although they were so loving and genuine in their congratulations, we still felt so guilty that it wasn't happening to them.

After all I know too well how much someone's happy news can also be a trigger for your own sadness, and I guess that's where being newly pregnant after IF is tricky, because you aren't one of those completely oblivious fertile myrtles that we all love to hate at times, instead you've done the IF hard yards and you know the gut wrenching feelings that go with it.

So I found it hard to really revel in the excitement of it straight away.
But then I spoke to my wonderfully wise friend about how I was feeling, who made a point that struck a chord.....this may be the only chance we get to experience this.
IF doesn't just go away and who knows if we will be lucky enough to fall pregnant again? This might be our one and only chance to enjoy pregnancy and having a child, and everything that comes with it. And with that in mind, I have started to enjoy it.
It doesn't mean I'm sailing off into pregnancy la-la land , completely oblivious to my friends who are still on the IF train, I'm cheering you all on from the side lines with flags waving and my pom poms....pomming?
And I'm there for you still 100%. But I can also completely understand that you may not always want to read my posts and that's okay too!

So I am suddenly feeling huge excitement at the journey to come. It's still a little nervewracking, my next HCG blood test is on Saturday, and then I guess they will schedule a 6-7 week scan for me at the clinic. I know it's still such early days but G and I have decided to just enjoy every part of it (well as much as we can!) and not fret about things that may not even eventuate.
We have told parents and brothers and sisters so far,and my best friend. And there is already a 'Favourite Aunty' competition looming between my sisters. This will be the first baby in my family although G is the youngest of 6, so he has quite a few nieces and nephews.

And this weekend after our 2nd blood test comes back okay we decided to go out and buy our first baby item together, we aren't superstitious about things like that and we just thought it would be a special way to celebrate the news together.

Although we already received our first baby present yesterday and I hope you don't mind but I just have to share it with you. It's from my best friend who went straight out and bought it after she heard our news-she reads my blog so this is what she chose.....

I cried when she gave it to me and can't stop getting it out of the bag and looking at it.Our first baby Giraffe item!

It's a......

BFP!!!!
We got the call at 3pm today, HCG level is 239 Woohoo!
I bawled on the phone to the nurse and G shed a few tears too. We are just over the freaking moon and can't believe it!Our little embie actually did it's thing and attached and I'm pregnant!Surreal!
  We headed straight to my parents house, bought a card on the way for 'grandparents' and put it in an envelope pretending it was in their mailbox from someone. Mum didn't actually know our BT was today so when she opened the card she started sobbing which set me off again-they are so over the moon and so are we.
It hasn't fully sunk in and I had the shakes for an hour after the phone call, we just feel extremely lucky that this happened on our first FET. And I just want to say thank you SO much to everyone who has supported me lately, especially when many of you are going through your own treatments and ups and downs.
I just want to send all the love and hope in the world to my buddies who are going through their own FETs and cycles right now and I'm praying for good news for all of you as well.

Awards!

                

Huge thanks to Bridget from The Lost Stork,  New Year Mum, and Tee from InfertiliTEE for the awards over the past week! I have been a little obsessed with the 2ww the last week so haven't had a chance to do this post yet, but then thought-what better distraction for the last day of my 2ww!

The rules are:

1. Winners grab the image and put it in your blog.
2. Link back to the person who gave you it.
3. Tell 10 things about yourself
4. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers.
5. Contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won. 

 I have done this once before so these 10 facts about me might be a little random this time-trying to think of stuff you don't know!

1. The first pet G and I ever had was an impulse purchase of a little grey mouse called Ratty. He provided endless entertainment and laughs, but when we moved house we decided to give him to the local primary school for their class pet.

2.We also looked after 2 geckos for a friend for about 4 months, during that time they had 2 babies (teeny tiny baby geckos-squee!)

3.I'm a vegetarian but like meat substitutes, vegetarian hotdogs(with mustard!) are one of my favourite meals!

4.When we were on our OE, we spent 6 weeks in Ireland living in a tiny tent, in a paddock with 2 donkeys who would wake us up munching grass outside the tent!

5.Continuing on from the last one-I love camping and I'm not afraid to rough it. Although I'm also not afraid to do 5 star luxury if the opportunity arises-haha.

6. As soon as we own our own house, I'm getting a pet chicken and calling it Hermione.

7. I'm the middle sister of 3 girls :)

8. I have huge flippers feet.They're not wide,just too long. I think they're size 11 1/2, or maybe 12, but I really don't know because I've never been able to buy any shoes in NZ that really truly fit me. I pretty much live in my havaianas and then have to squeeze my feet into slightly too small boots and shoes during winter. I'm truly envious of people who have a big collection of shoes and heels.

9.I loathe 2 Dollar shops and those emporium type places, It really actually freaks me out to see all of the plastic junk being manufactured.....where does it all go in the end? and is there really a market out there for that stuff?

10. I love to paint when I have the time :)

So here are my nominees for these awards (take your pick which one-or choose both!) I have to admit most of these aren't recently discovered,and I have only picked 10, but they're all bloggers who have been an amazing support the last few months so THANKS!!!!

1. Tee from InfertiliTEE
2. New Year Mum
3.Haidee from Maybe Baby Or maybe the loony Bin
4.Baby Craving from Love & Other drugs
5.Chon from My Path to Insanity and Beyond
6.Athena from A Field of Dreams
7.Princess Wahna Bea Mama from The Princess and the Pee Stick
8.Michele from Greetings from Nowhere
9.Krista from Diary of taking Small steps Toward baby Steps
10.Jill from Who said 3 is a Crowd?

Hope everyone had a Lovely Easter!