You have to sing that title to the tune of 'Physical".....okay you may also add some moves-you know you want to!
Argh I'm going bloody crazy trying to keep in a good frame of mind. And do you know what has gotten me into a funk? Talking about stupid IVF. A friend asked me today how things were going, I don't mind, she is a lovely, caring friend and she was checking in on what's been happening. But since then it's all come back to the surface. I've actually been thinking a couple of bad thoughts since a sleepless night last night, but I haven't really let them take over until now.
So I'm just going to put them out into the universe, and hope that they dissipate soon
1. I keep wondering WHY I'm doing a medicated cycle, when I have regular periods and ovulate fairly regularly. I won't kick up a fuss because I trust my specialist, but I had just hoped to do this FET as naturally as possible without messing around any more with my hormones. And the other thing is that if we aren't successful, I found out recently that we would have to wait TWO more full cycles before doing another FET.That would put us in....June.Excellent.
2. I can't stop thinking 'what if' .What if our embryos don't thaw, what if we have two BFN's and have to go back on a waiting list for a 2nd round of IVF. I don't know if I can make it through another year or so with no hint of a pregnancy.
3. I'm annoyed that I'm annoyed. What happened to my groovy, peace and love and all is good in the world 'tude?
And that's it. Now go free, oh bad thoughts, and piss off so I can be happy and positive again.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Buns of Steel
I have a new obsession at the moment. My Buns Of Steel.
I just know they're in there under all that insulation, waiting to make their grand debut, getting whipped into shape with the thousands of squats I've been doing at the gym ( I like to envisage that I'm hovering over a public toilet, my germ-phobia helps me snap back to a standing position like a rocket)
Instead of my breasts getting poked and prodded to check whats happening on the boob-o-meter this cycle, I can't help but clench my buttocks like a body builder, and prod my gluteus maximus' to gleefully measure how much firmer they are.
Except they're not all that firm really. I would liken them more to....Buns Of Aluminium. Stronger than quivering jelly, but still mucho pliable when prodded.
And unfortunately, along with my new enthusiasm for the gym, I've also gained a new enthusiasm for baking. So as soon as I add a layer of muscle, I also add a layer of baking induced flab.
Soon with all of these layers I'm adding, I'll turn into the Hulk, one day my super muscle-flabs will burst out of my clothes, and maybe I'll even start growling and gnashing my teeth, cos I'm the Hulk and I'm allowed to.
I'm also running my hands along my aching, slightly firmer thighs quite a lot lately, and clenching my abs which have had a hammering too.
I'd like to think that along with the bum prodding, and odd boob squeeze, if I string all of these moves together it would make quite an awesome dance routine. Maybe a dance reserved only for foreplay, but a pretty wicked dance nonetheless.
So that's what has been keeping me occupied for the last week, I'm loving the gym again, especially the Step classes, where along with the fast wild arm movements and open mouthed panting I'm pretty sure I look like an Asthmatic Giraffe trying to climb a tree.
But it feels good, and did you notice I haven't yet used the words IVF sperm ovary embryo vagina infertility fuck arse drink bullshit boohoo waawaa?
I'll save those for the next post.
Hope everyone's having a FAB weekend!
PS-I just had to choose this pic of the Hulk cos it says THOOOM-what the hell is THOOOM?
Because of course 'BOOOM' wouldn't do at all....to make us really feel the wrath of the hulk we have to add a lispy TH at the start.
I just know they're in there under all that insulation, waiting to make their grand debut, getting whipped into shape with the thousands of squats I've been doing at the gym ( I like to envisage that I'm hovering over a public toilet, my germ-phobia helps me snap back to a standing position like a rocket)
Instead of my breasts getting poked and prodded to check whats happening on the boob-o-meter this cycle, I can't help but clench my buttocks like a body builder, and prod my gluteus maximus' to gleefully measure how much firmer they are.
Except they're not all that firm really. I would liken them more to....Buns Of Aluminium. Stronger than quivering jelly, but still mucho pliable when prodded.
And unfortunately, along with my new enthusiasm for the gym, I've also gained a new enthusiasm for baking. So as soon as I add a layer of muscle, I also add a layer of baking induced flab.
Soon with all of these layers I'm adding, I'll turn into the Hulk, one day my super muscle-flabs will burst out of my clothes, and maybe I'll even start growling and gnashing my teeth, cos I'm the Hulk and I'm allowed to.
I'm also running my hands along my aching, slightly firmer thighs quite a lot lately, and clenching my abs which have had a hammering too.
I'd like to think that along with the bum prodding, and odd boob squeeze, if I string all of these moves together it would make quite an awesome dance routine. Maybe a dance reserved only for foreplay, but a pretty wicked dance nonetheless.
So that's what has been keeping me occupied for the last week, I'm loving the gym again, especially the Step classes, where along with the fast wild arm movements and open mouthed panting I'm pretty sure I look like an Asthmatic Giraffe trying to climb a tree.
But it feels good, and did you notice I haven't yet used the words IVF sperm ovary embryo vagina infertility fuck arse drink bullshit boohoo waawaa?
I'll save those for the next post.
Hope everyone's having a FAB weekend!
PS-I just had to choose this pic of the Hulk cos it says THOOOM-what the hell is THOOOM?
Because of course 'BOOOM' wouldn't do at all....to make us really feel the wrath of the hulk we have to add a lispy TH at the start.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Awards...:)
Okay so I'm ever so excited to have recieved some awards from some awesome fellow bloggers, there were a couple so hopefully it's okay if I thank them all in here....
Athena from A Field of Dreams-I love reading your honest and thought provoking blog and thank you for being such a supportive friend&commenter.
Bridget from The lost Stork, who I have just met and started following through ICLW, she has an awesome blog and I hope to get to know her better
So here are the rules for the award:
So 7 things about myself....
* I'm 6ft 2" tall and I DON'T play any sports-I get asked about 10 times a day if I play basketball but -shock horror-I don't.
Apparently it's a mortal sin to not put your height to good use by throwing a ball in a net.
The next time someone asks if I play basketball I'm going to tell them they should be a professional Limbo-er.
*I absolutely adore animals, I can't bear to read or hear about any animal cruelty, and G and I would love to have a little bit of land one day with lots of animals-but not for eating!
*When I was 5 I had a heart operation-my parents tell me that as I was about to go in I looked up at them and said "am I gonna die?". We laugh about it now but how awful for my parents!
*I became a vegetarian when I was 13 although I have now relaxed a little and eat a bit of fish.
*I'm scared of the dark....and I can't cope with being in a pitch black room.
*I met my husband at a bar with mutual friends We moved into a flat together after 3 months and never looked back,we have been together for 9 years now and married for 3 :)
* I'm very close to my parents but especially a bit of a daddy's girl, I think he's awesome and hilarious-no one else thinks he's quite as funny as I do!
Okay so far I have a list of 10 other great blogs so go and check them out! :)
Lexa We Relaxed...it didn't happen
Clewis Baby on My Mind
Tee InfertiliTEE
Sara Time well Wasted
Krista Diary of taking Small steps towards baby Steps
Athena A Field of Dreams
Rochelle For all the things we hope for
CW My path to Insanity and Beyond
Haidee Maybe Baby...Or Maybe the loony Bin
Elphaba Yolk...a blog about eggs and Sperm
Chon from My Path to Insanity and Beyond-you're a great friend and inspiration to me with your outlook on life-And I should also add that Chon taught me how to add the link for the blog names as I'm just a little bit- or a lotta bit useless with technology.
Athena from A Field of Dreams-I love reading your honest and thought provoking blog and thank you for being such a supportive friend&commenter.
Bridget from The lost Stork, who I have just met and started following through ICLW, she has an awesome blog and I hope to get to know her better
So here are the rules for the award:
Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
- Share 7 things about yourself.
- Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
- Make sure you contact these bloggers to let them know about the award
So 7 things about myself....
* I'm 6ft 2" tall and I DON'T play any sports-I get asked about 10 times a day if I play basketball but -shock horror-I don't.
Apparently it's a mortal sin to not put your height to good use by throwing a ball in a net.
The next time someone asks if I play basketball I'm going to tell them they should be a professional Limbo-er.
*I absolutely adore animals, I can't bear to read or hear about any animal cruelty, and G and I would love to have a little bit of land one day with lots of animals-but not for eating!
*When I was 5 I had a heart operation-my parents tell me that as I was about to go in I looked up at them and said "am I gonna die?". We laugh about it now but how awful for my parents!
*I became a vegetarian when I was 13 although I have now relaxed a little and eat a bit of fish.
*I'm scared of the dark....and I can't cope with being in a pitch black room.
*I met my husband at a bar with mutual friends We moved into a flat together after 3 months and never looked back,we have been together for 9 years now and married for 3 :)
* I'm very close to my parents but especially a bit of a daddy's girl, I think he's awesome and hilarious-no one else thinks he's quite as funny as I do!
Okay so far I have a list of 10 other great blogs so go and check them out! :)
Lexa We Relaxed...it didn't happen
Clewis Baby on My Mind
Tee InfertiliTEE
Sara Time well Wasted
Krista Diary of taking Small steps towards baby Steps
Athena A Field of Dreams
Rochelle For all the things we hope for
CW My path to Insanity and Beyond
Haidee Maybe Baby...Or Maybe the loony Bin
Elphaba Yolk...a blog about eggs and Sperm
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Advent calendar for Infertiles
Someone suggested I elaborate on the Infertility Advent Calendar idea so I have...feel free to suggest any more ideas for certain days!
The Infertility Advent Calendar : when tiny chocolates just aren't enough
Day 1: This first window is covered in padding as naturally you will want to throw a few punches at it before opening. Inside,wine...a cask of course. How convenient to have a tap for ease of pouring it straight down your throat while lying on the couch.
And a pair of earmuffs to block out the torrent of pregnancy announcements that naturally pour in on the first day of your period - a hammer to smash your cellphone may also do the trick.
Day 2: A new pair of underwear as you have ruined the ones you're wearing with your Day 2-justleakedthroughasupertamponandmaternitypad-bleeding. More wine and a pack of super tampons that actually ARE super.
Day 5: A bra in a smaller size to encase your shrunken post AF boobs, a bottle of ClearEyes to hide the effects of the last 4 days of crying, and a gym membership as you've decided if you cannot be pregnant this month, you will use this time to workout....just like you did last month....uh huh....
Day 7: A giant bottle of preseed and a plate of oysters. It's time to get back on the bike baby-you know that sex on Day 7 is unlikely to result in a baby as you're pretty sure the sperm don't last 5 minutes let alone 5 days, but hey, old habits die hard.
Day 14: A box of No-Doze and a deliciously strong Flat White. All this banging is taking it's toll so you need something to keep you going so you're not lying there like a dead starfish. Plus this is the last day you will allow yourself to have coffee before it becomes bad for the baby you will surely be growing in there.
Day 20: A bottle of fizzy grape juice, and a champagne flute so you can PRETEND you are drinking wine at your birthday, and a boxing glove so you can punch a wall when it turns out you COULD have been drinking wine at your birthday after all.
Day 24: A huge econo pack of TP-24 rolls, bleached perfectly white for easy viewing, and none of this toilet-paper-print-trickery bullshit.'Is that a tiny spot of implantation bleeding?Nope- just a little picture of a kitty on my toilet paper"
Day 25: A headtorch and a monacle for even closer inspection of the toilet paper to see if there is any sign of implantation.
Day 26: A book of baby names as you are feeling quite confident, and a bigger bra even though you don't actually need it, you are convinced your breasts are bigger. Or maybe they're just bruised from all the prodding.
Day 27: A pair of squishy Stress-Balls to squeeze instead of your poor boobies.
Day 28: D-day. maternity clothes and the number for your fertility clinic as you will surely be phoning them to inform them you won't be needing that FET after all.
Day 29: Your period still hasn't arrived but your advent calendar has run out of days so you have to improvise....a loudspeaker to announce your pregnancy to all and sundry and a pregnancy test to confirm what is so plainly obvious to you.
Day 30: A big rock to hide under, a massive fucking bar of chocolate, a crate of wine and a funnel, and a new computer keyboard as you have short-circuited your one while bawling over all of your friend's baby photos on facebook.
Day 31: A big box of Progynova pills, an assortment of pessaries, and a voucher for a Brazilian-you're going to be needing it.
The Infertility Advent Calendar : when tiny chocolates just aren't enough
Day 1: This first window is covered in padding as naturally you will want to throw a few punches at it before opening. Inside,wine...a cask of course. How convenient to have a tap for ease of pouring it straight down your throat while lying on the couch.
And a pair of earmuffs to block out the torrent of pregnancy announcements that naturally pour in on the first day of your period - a hammer to smash your cellphone may also do the trick.
Day 2: A new pair of underwear as you have ruined the ones you're wearing with your Day 2-justleakedthroughasupertamponandmaternitypad-bleeding. More wine and a pack of super tampons that actually ARE super.
Day 5: A bra in a smaller size to encase your shrunken post AF boobs, a bottle of ClearEyes to hide the effects of the last 4 days of crying, and a gym membership as you've decided if you cannot be pregnant this month, you will use this time to workout....just like you did last month....uh huh....
Day 7: A giant bottle of preseed and a plate of oysters. It's time to get back on the bike baby-you know that sex on Day 7 is unlikely to result in a baby as you're pretty sure the sperm don't last 5 minutes let alone 5 days, but hey, old habits die hard.
Day 14: A box of No-Doze and a deliciously strong Flat White. All this banging is taking it's toll so you need something to keep you going so you're not lying there like a dead starfish. Plus this is the last day you will allow yourself to have coffee before it becomes bad for the baby you will surely be growing in there.
Day 20: A bottle of fizzy grape juice, and a champagne flute so you can PRETEND you are drinking wine at your birthday, and a boxing glove so you can punch a wall when it turns out you COULD have been drinking wine at your birthday after all.
Day 24: A huge econo pack of TP-24 rolls, bleached perfectly white for easy viewing, and none of this toilet-paper-print-trickery bullshit.'Is that a tiny spot of implantation bleeding?Nope- just a little picture of a kitty on my toilet paper"
Day 25: A headtorch and a monacle for even closer inspection of the toilet paper to see if there is any sign of implantation.
Day 26: A book of baby names as you are feeling quite confident, and a bigger bra even though you don't actually need it, you are convinced your breasts are bigger. Or maybe they're just bruised from all the prodding.
Day 27: A pair of squishy Stress-Balls to squeeze instead of your poor boobies.
Day 28: D-day. maternity clothes and the number for your fertility clinic as you will surely be phoning them to inform them you won't be needing that FET after all.
Day 29: Your period still hasn't arrived but your advent calendar has run out of days so you have to improvise....a loudspeaker to announce your pregnancy to all and sundry and a pregnancy test to confirm what is so plainly obvious to you.
Day 30: A big rock to hide under, a massive fucking bar of chocolate, a crate of wine and a funnel, and a new computer keyboard as you have short-circuited your one while bawling over all of your friend's baby photos on facebook.
Day 31: A big box of Progynova pills, an assortment of pessaries, and a voucher for a Brazilian-you're going to be needing it.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
aaaand life is good again
So after my not-so-fantastic week, I've crawled back up my positive ladder and feeling preeetty good again,apart from the odd moment. I'm really really trying hard to not let any bad thoughts come into my mind. A few times I've found myself playing out some worst case scenarios in my head, it's almost a subconscious thing, and then as soon as I realise I'm doing it I'm trying hard to quash those thoughts and just focus on getting through the next month.
Last week when I was having a little moment G said to me to stop focusing on what everyone else is doing with their lives (in terms of friends falling pregnant left right and centre) and just focus on us and our own journey.So I'm trying to do that, and he's right, we have our own future to worry about and I need to stop fretting about things I have no control over.
I had my best friends Baby Shower to go to on Saturday, and I was hoping I wasn't going to be in a funny mood for that after the week I'd had, but I ended up having a great time. I went around early yesterday to help her and her mum set up and do the food, my friend looked every inch a beautiful mummy-to-be, and everyone just had a great time chatting and catching up.
The only time I really thought about IF was when she opened a gift that was a cute little bodysuit with 'made by nature' on the front, and I thought to myself that my baby would have to have 'made by science' on the front. But it wasn't a bad moment, merely an observation to myself!
I am still counting down the days though....next AF is due on the 15th of Feb. I think I should invent an infertility advent calendar, what do ya reckon? Counting down the last month before an IUI, FET or IVF. And none of this teeny tiny sliver of chocolate business, my advent calendar will have big rewards baby, we deserve it with all of this endless bloody waiting. Windows that are big enough to fit a bottle of wine or giant toblerone should suffice!
Last week when I was having a little moment G said to me to stop focusing on what everyone else is doing with their lives (in terms of friends falling pregnant left right and centre) and just focus on us and our own journey.So I'm trying to do that, and he's right, we have our own future to worry about and I need to stop fretting about things I have no control over.
I had my best friends Baby Shower to go to on Saturday, and I was hoping I wasn't going to be in a funny mood for that after the week I'd had, but I ended up having a great time. I went around early yesterday to help her and her mum set up and do the food, my friend looked every inch a beautiful mummy-to-be, and everyone just had a great time chatting and catching up.
The only time I really thought about IF was when she opened a gift that was a cute little bodysuit with 'made by nature' on the front, and I thought to myself that my baby would have to have 'made by science' on the front. But it wasn't a bad moment, merely an observation to myself!
I am still counting down the days though....next AF is due on the 15th of Feb. I think I should invent an infertility advent calendar, what do ya reckon? Counting down the last month before an IUI, FET or IVF. And none of this teeny tiny sliver of chocolate business, my advent calendar will have big rewards baby, we deserve it with all of this endless bloody waiting. Windows that are big enough to fit a bottle of wine or giant toblerone should suffice!
Happy ICLW again...:)
Happy ICLW! This is my second one, but I will do a quick rundown on our story. My husband and I have been married for just over 3 years, I have been desperate to start a family since well before then, but we finally started ttc In February '09.
We found out after 9 months, that we were dealing with severe MFI, and did our first round of IVF/ICSI in December '10. (we were lucky enough to have funded treatment in NZ but this means quite long waiting lists)
Because they got so many eggs during my egg collecton, they decided to freeze any embryos we got, to transfer at a later date. So we have 2x day3 frosties, and I have one more month until we can start our FET cycle. I'm counting down the days as I just want to finish this damn cycle already! It's been frustrating to have started something and have no conclusive finish yet.
I've tried to start afresh this year after just having a generally crappy 2010 (didn't everyone??), and I'm determined to try and stay as positive as possible, and stop giving IF the satisfaction of taking over my whole life.
I sold my busy sewing business of 3 years last September in preparation for our IVF cycle ( there is no way I could have kept running that business as well as doing fertility treatment-wasn't an option!)
So now I work part time at home and I'm currently rediscovering my...'domestic' side...hehehe. So far this has stretched to a new passion for baking, lots of sewing and crafty stuff, and just being generally 'wifey' to my husband. I haven't yet mastered the skill of obsessive cleaning but I'm blaming that lack of skill and inclination on my creative nature...it's a good excuse anyway.
So anyway look forward to seeing some new blogs and getting to know some new bloggers!
We found out after 9 months, that we were dealing with severe MFI, and did our first round of IVF/ICSI in December '10. (we were lucky enough to have funded treatment in NZ but this means quite long waiting lists)
Because they got so many eggs during my egg collecton, they decided to freeze any embryos we got, to transfer at a later date. So we have 2x day3 frosties, and I have one more month until we can start our FET cycle. I'm counting down the days as I just want to finish this damn cycle already! It's been frustrating to have started something and have no conclusive finish yet.
I've tried to start afresh this year after just having a generally crappy 2010 (didn't everyone??), and I'm determined to try and stay as positive as possible, and stop giving IF the satisfaction of taking over my whole life.
I sold my busy sewing business of 3 years last September in preparation for our IVF cycle ( there is no way I could have kept running that business as well as doing fertility treatment-wasn't an option!)
So now I work part time at home and I'm currently rediscovering my...'domestic' side...hehehe. So far this has stretched to a new passion for baking, lots of sewing and crafty stuff, and just being generally 'wifey' to my husband. I haven't yet mastered the skill of obsessive cleaning but I'm blaming that lack of skill and inclination on my creative nature...it's a good excuse anyway.
So anyway look forward to seeing some new blogs and getting to know some new bloggers!
Friday, January 21, 2011
My fantasy pavlova
As requested by someone...a picture of my pavlova I made, which by the way was perfectly crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, and just plain delicious, TOOT TOOT (that's just me blowing my own trumpet, what a shocker.) I got DH to help me by decorating it with our berries we picked, and he did a good job although when I asked him to sift some icing sugar on top, he grabbed the caster sugar by mistake which of course fell straight through the seive in a big mountain of sugar on top-we had to do some speedy damage control. I couldn't help but laugh at him poor guy.
Oh yeah the reason for the post title is that the recipe I used is titled 'Fantasy Pavlova'. It actually was like a fantasy to eat.And I'm pretty sure it's good for me cos of all that protein from the egg whites....and sugar is good for me cos it makes me haaaappy.
Oh and AF arrived the morning after my last post too, super painful just to rub it in, but it's all good, and I have only cried once , when a friend sent a group text to say she was pregnant...this was the one I mentioned a few weeks back that I suspected she was with these hints she had dropped on facebook.
I'm not normally a crier with pregnancy announcements unless it's a particularly bad day, but this one was a little bit harder as we had been ttc our first together, and now she's pregnant with her second. It hurts when you start to get lapped on the pregnancy race track,and this is the first time it's happened for me.
Plus I was emotional as AF is good at reminding you about what you don't have again for another month, and I'll admit I had gotten my hopes up quite a bit when it was late.
So not much else happening, G's mum is staying with us this week and some of next, so I haven't had much of a chance to get to the 'puter lately, but I should be back to my normal computer time-wasting hours next week!
Oh yeah the reason for the post title is that the recipe I used is titled 'Fantasy Pavlova'. It actually was like a fantasy to eat.And I'm pretty sure it's good for me cos of all that protein from the egg whites....and sugar is good for me cos it makes me haaaappy.
Oh and AF arrived the morning after my last post too, super painful just to rub it in, but it's all good, and I have only cried once , when a friend sent a group text to say she was pregnant...this was the one I mentioned a few weeks back that I suspected she was with these hints she had dropped on facebook.
I'm not normally a crier with pregnancy announcements unless it's a particularly bad day, but this one was a little bit harder as we had been ttc our first together, and now she's pregnant with her second. It hurts when you start to get lapped on the pregnancy race track,and this is the first time it's happened for me.
Plus I was emotional as AF is good at reminding you about what you don't have again for another month, and I'll admit I had gotten my hopes up quite a bit when it was late.
So not much else happening, G's mum is staying with us this week and some of next, so I haven't had much of a chance to get to the 'puter lately, but I should be back to my normal computer time-wasting hours next week!
Monday, January 17, 2011
The never-ending cy-ycle...nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah naaahhh
You have to sing that title to the NeverEnding Story theme song...just in case you didn't get that already....god I loved that movie, now it's going to be stuck in my head for days.
So if anyone was wondering...I'm on Day 31 today, had cramps again this morning so I thought for sure it's over...then after no sign of AF this afternoon so I FINALLY took a test, I had to go out and buy them as I'm not usually a tester.
Anyway B.F.N.
And I think maybe I knew deep down, but I have to admit I did get a little excited,I have never got past Day 30 without AF showing...and I have been conveniently forgetting that merely 6 weeks ago I was doing some major internal system alterations...so maybe it's to be expected that my body, after going nuts and being an egg making machine, may not be prepared to settle back into it's 28 day routine.
So now I just have to wait for AF to show up and then I can start counting down the next month.I'm a little annoyed that she's not playing the game and dragging this whole thing out even longer...I'm sure that's putting the transfer date into March now, so I should have my BT approx 3 and 1/2 months after I started my IVF cycle,Awesome.
Drawn out much?!
So if anyone was wondering...I'm on Day 31 today, had cramps again this morning so I thought for sure it's over...then after no sign of AF this afternoon so I FINALLY took a test, I had to go out and buy them as I'm not usually a tester.
Anyway B.F.N.
And I think maybe I knew deep down, but I have to admit I did get a little excited,I have never got past Day 30 without AF showing...and I have been conveniently forgetting that merely 6 weeks ago I was doing some major internal system alterations...so maybe it's to be expected that my body, after going nuts and being an egg making machine, may not be prepared to settle back into it's 28 day routine.
So now I just have to wait for AF to show up and then I can start counting down the next month.I'm a little annoyed that she's not playing the game and dragging this whole thing out even longer...I'm sure that's putting the transfer date into March now, so I should have my BT approx 3 and 1/2 months after I started my IVF cycle,Awesome.
Drawn out much?!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A post for the sake of posting...
Okay so I think it's time to move the facebook post down the list a little...as I keep thinking it may be a little judgemental, who knows, I might turn into a Facebook tyrant when I get pregnant and you will all be blocking my incessant status updates and scan pics....
I've been racking my brains about what to write about and keep drawing blanks. So I might just ramble a little...I won't blame you if you can't be bothered reading on.
Part of the reason for this mind-blank is that I am more than a little distracted by the fact that I'm on day 30 of what is normally a 28 day cycle.
But things have been a little messed up since IVF and my last cycle was only 22 days, so I'm not sure if things are still balancing out. It feels a lot like AF is on her way any minute now, but I haven't completely ruled out the possibility of pregnancy. Although I'm pretty sure as soon as I hit the 'publish post' button on here she will be here in full force just to make me look like a fool. AF is good like that!
I've also been a little thrown by the fact that I have no sore boobs at the moment, usually they turn into heavy-arse boulders after OV but they are completely normal this month, if anyone can shed some light on whether this is a good or bad thing that would be helpful!
Although I feel like we've accepted that we might not ever conceive naturally, we still don't rule it out, and don't give up on it.
I never want to be SO convinced of our Infertility, that we end up setting our fate in concrete. It's nice to still have a bit of hope, and you just never know!
In other 'Me Me Me' news...I've been getting my craft on this week and making bags out of vintage fabric to sell at a craft market in a few weeks.And I'm loving it. I haven't had much dressmaking work the last few weeks with the holiday period, and I hate not contributing to our income! So hopefully I will get a few sales from these and feel like I'm doing something useful again. I'm keeping an eye out for some retail work but I'm worried about starting a new job and then having to immediately take time off for appointments etc.
I've also offered my sewing services to a Retirement Village not too far from where we live, and the Manager is keen for me to drop some flyers in so hopefully I get some work from that too.
When I had my alterations business, I would say a third of my clientele was made up of elderly women, and quite often I would go to their homes to do fittings and then drop their garments off again free of charge if they found it too hard to make it into town. I kind of enjoyed it, I like hearing their stories and some of them don't get very many visitors, so they enjoy the company too.
So the only other semi-interesting thing (well to me anyway) that seems to stand out from my week is that big G and I went berry picking around our road the other day. G loves the show River Cottage, and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall from the show, is always collecting various 'hedgerow' bounty, berries, edible plants, nettles. So for some reason big G came home on Friday and announced out of the blue that we were to go and collect hedgerow berries that afternoon.
I had no idea we even had so called 'hedgerow' around us, let alone berries but he had spied some on the way home so off we went with our containers.
Last year we moved away from town a bit, and we now live semi-rural up in the hills. We have paddocks on one side and pine forest on the other, and our road is extremely narrow. I think it has only recently been tarsealed....and I use that term loosely, as it looks more like someone did an aerial drop of tarseal and just hoped it would land on the gravel.
So it's not the kind of road you walk down very often, no footpaths and dangerous corners....but we DID find berries-wineberries and blackberries to be precise, and heaps of them!We managed to fill a whole container full,G started to get a little berry-crazed though and I had just about had enough by the time I was hoisting him halfway up a bank with my hands on his bum,as cars came flying around a blind bend, just so he could harvest about 10 pitiful berries. But anyway this is our haul, not too bad huh!
So we are very proud of our foraging, and our berries are in the freezer, G's mum is coming to stay with us on Monday so I'm making my first ever Pavlova which will be topped with the berries.Wish me luck!
I've been racking my brains about what to write about and keep drawing blanks. So I might just ramble a little...I won't blame you if you can't be bothered reading on.
Part of the reason for this mind-blank is that I am more than a little distracted by the fact that I'm on day 30 of what is normally a 28 day cycle.
But things have been a little messed up since IVF and my last cycle was only 22 days, so I'm not sure if things are still balancing out. It feels a lot like AF is on her way any minute now, but I haven't completely ruled out the possibility of pregnancy. Although I'm pretty sure as soon as I hit the 'publish post' button on here she will be here in full force just to make me look like a fool. AF is good like that!
I've also been a little thrown by the fact that I have no sore boobs at the moment, usually they turn into heavy-arse boulders after OV but they are completely normal this month, if anyone can shed some light on whether this is a good or bad thing that would be helpful!
Although I feel like we've accepted that we might not ever conceive naturally, we still don't rule it out, and don't give up on it.
I never want to be SO convinced of our Infertility, that we end up setting our fate in concrete. It's nice to still have a bit of hope, and you just never know!
In other 'Me Me Me' news...I've been getting my craft on this week and making bags out of vintage fabric to sell at a craft market in a few weeks.And I'm loving it. I haven't had much dressmaking work the last few weeks with the holiday period, and I hate not contributing to our income! So hopefully I will get a few sales from these and feel like I'm doing something useful again. I'm keeping an eye out for some retail work but I'm worried about starting a new job and then having to immediately take time off for appointments etc.
I've also offered my sewing services to a Retirement Village not too far from where we live, and the Manager is keen for me to drop some flyers in so hopefully I get some work from that too.
When I had my alterations business, I would say a third of my clientele was made up of elderly women, and quite often I would go to their homes to do fittings and then drop their garments off again free of charge if they found it too hard to make it into town. I kind of enjoyed it, I like hearing their stories and some of them don't get very many visitors, so they enjoy the company too.
So the only other semi-interesting thing (well to me anyway) that seems to stand out from my week is that big G and I went berry picking around our road the other day. G loves the show River Cottage, and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall from the show, is always collecting various 'hedgerow' bounty, berries, edible plants, nettles. So for some reason big G came home on Friday and announced out of the blue that we were to go and collect hedgerow berries that afternoon.
I had no idea we even had so called 'hedgerow' around us, let alone berries but he had spied some on the way home so off we went with our containers.
Last year we moved away from town a bit, and we now live semi-rural up in the hills. We have paddocks on one side and pine forest on the other, and our road is extremely narrow. I think it has only recently been tarsealed....and I use that term loosely, as it looks more like someone did an aerial drop of tarseal and just hoped it would land on the gravel.
So it's not the kind of road you walk down very often, no footpaths and dangerous corners....but we DID find berries-wineberries and blackberries to be precise, and heaps of them!We managed to fill a whole container full,G started to get a little berry-crazed though and I had just about had enough by the time I was hoisting him halfway up a bank with my hands on his bum,as cars came flying around a blind bend, just so he could harvest about 10 pitiful berries. But anyway this is our haul, not too bad huh!
So we are very proud of our foraging, and our berries are in the freezer, G's mum is coming to stay with us on Monday so I'm making my first ever Pavlova which will be topped with the berries.Wish me luck!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
In your FACE-book
* Disclaimer * The following contains some negative and unreasonable views about social networking...please do not read on if you enjoy posting annoying status updates on your Facebook as you may be offended.
I'm really quite fed up with Facebook at the moment....well, more what people are posting on Facebook.
And yes I know that I can block those people who's status updates cause me to clench my jaw everytime I go on, but I Just...Can't...Look...Away!
I get so pissed off when I see what these people write, but then I also take the time to read them, so I guess I'm just all part of the game. But I decided to write this post and get it all out, because after my awesome weekend, I came home, checked my facebook, and ended up just feeling annoyed and depressed.
I have a friend who I'm sure is pregnant with her 2nd by all these little hints that she leaving on her and other people's pages...
(I have this thing called ESPP-Extra Sensory Pregnancy announcement Perception, it's a wonderful gift...not...)
...and yes it's wonderful for her if it's true, but I'm insanely jealous, and also a little sad that if it's what I think, it will be the second baby she will be pregnant with since I started trying to conceive, as we were trying for our first at the same time.And also- either keep it completely quiet, or just come out and say it you know?
I also have another of big G's friends with a 6 month old, who has been posting some really negative and personal statuses...either being pissed off with her husband or her "screaming baby" and how she wants some sleep etc etc. And again, yes I realise it's crazy hard being a parent, and yes I know that I won't understand until I'm one myself....but why do people feel the need to write such personal things about their life? Did I really need to know that her husband has pissed her off something terrible and obviously gone out leaving her at home with her 'screaming baby'.Maybe she needs to discuss that with him first, and not her 200 friends on facebook.
And then why do people feel the need to write a status update that leaves us guessing or wondering for days what the hell is going on....people who write just one word like.... "gutted", or "sad", am I expected to then play a guessing game by commenting "are you...gutted that your pet mouse has died?, or how about gutted that the the Hoff has left town?
Or is it supposed to attract a flurry of comments oohhing and ahhing with people saying "I hope everything's okay".Fo gods sake either come out and say what's up or don't post at all. Or if you do need a supportive friend, how about phone someone or go around and have some face to face contact!Or there's this wonderful thing on Facebook where you can send PRIVATE messages!
I'm not perfect myself , I have done my share of moaning and slightly hint dropping facebook comments, but a while ago I decided that the world doesn't really need to know every tiny detail of what I'm thinking or feeling, some things are best kept private, and this blog is a great outlet for things like that!
It's especially hard being infertile on facebook. Every day you're bombarded with pregnancy announcements and updates, scan pictures, that's not so bad-everyone's entitled to be excited and proud of their baby- the worse thing is the complaining. You understand that it's a hard thing to go through, but when you're on the other side of the fertility fence and you just so want to be in their shoes, the negative comments about pregnancy and being 'fat' and parenthood are a little hard to stomach. And I hope that because I have been and currently are on the other side of the fertility fence (which seems to be well barricaded with barbed wire at the moment), that I won't forget what it's like when I'm pregnant or have a baby, and maybe have a bit more sensitivity in what I post about.
I have a couple of fertile friends in fact, who are reasonably avid facebook users, but when they became pregnant, they did a 12 week announcement, the odd update throughout the pregnancy, and a few bump pics, and NO moaning about how 'fat' they were- it was a breath of fresh air!
So I think I may start a rival networking site, called In your FACE-book, a rebel movement especially designed for all infertiles who don't want to hear about every burp and fart that their friend's babies do, nor about how much their friends seem to despair being parents and having to get up in the night to feed their baby....who's hungry....cos that's what babies do...and that's what you signed up for....
So who's in!
I'm really quite fed up with Facebook at the moment....well, more what people are posting on Facebook.
And yes I know that I can block those people who's status updates cause me to clench my jaw everytime I go on, but I Just...Can't...Look...Away!
I get so pissed off when I see what these people write, but then I also take the time to read them, so I guess I'm just all part of the game. But I decided to write this post and get it all out, because after my awesome weekend, I came home, checked my facebook, and ended up just feeling annoyed and depressed.
I have a friend who I'm sure is pregnant with her 2nd by all these little hints that she leaving on her and other people's pages...
(I have this thing called ESPP-Extra Sensory Pregnancy announcement Perception, it's a wonderful gift...not...)
...and yes it's wonderful for her if it's true, but I'm insanely jealous, and also a little sad that if it's what I think, it will be the second baby she will be pregnant with since I started trying to conceive, as we were trying for our first at the same time.And also- either keep it completely quiet, or just come out and say it you know?
I also have another of big G's friends with a 6 month old, who has been posting some really negative and personal statuses...either being pissed off with her husband or her "screaming baby" and how she wants some sleep etc etc. And again, yes I realise it's crazy hard being a parent, and yes I know that I won't understand until I'm one myself....but why do people feel the need to write such personal things about their life? Did I really need to know that her husband has pissed her off something terrible and obviously gone out leaving her at home with her 'screaming baby'.Maybe she needs to discuss that with him first, and not her 200 friends on facebook.
And then why do people feel the need to write a status update that leaves us guessing or wondering for days what the hell is going on....people who write just one word like.... "gutted", or "sad", am I expected to then play a guessing game by commenting "are you...gutted that your pet mouse has died?, or how about gutted that the the Hoff has left town?
Or is it supposed to attract a flurry of comments oohhing and ahhing with people saying "I hope everything's okay".Fo gods sake either come out and say what's up or don't post at all. Or if you do need a supportive friend, how about phone someone or go around and have some face to face contact!Or there's this wonderful thing on Facebook where you can send PRIVATE messages!
I'm not perfect myself , I have done my share of moaning and slightly hint dropping facebook comments, but a while ago I decided that the world doesn't really need to know every tiny detail of what I'm thinking or feeling, some things are best kept private, and this blog is a great outlet for things like that!
It's especially hard being infertile on facebook. Every day you're bombarded with pregnancy announcements and updates, scan pictures, that's not so bad-everyone's entitled to be excited and proud of their baby- the worse thing is the complaining. You understand that it's a hard thing to go through, but when you're on the other side of the fertility fence and you just so want to be in their shoes, the negative comments about pregnancy and being 'fat' and parenthood are a little hard to stomach. And I hope that because I have been and currently are on the other side of the fertility fence (which seems to be well barricaded with barbed wire at the moment), that I won't forget what it's like when I'm pregnant or have a baby, and maybe have a bit more sensitivity in what I post about.
I have a couple of fertile friends in fact, who are reasonably avid facebook users, but when they became pregnant, they did a 12 week announcement, the odd update throughout the pregnancy, and a few bump pics, and NO moaning about how 'fat' they were- it was a breath of fresh air!
So I think I may start a rival networking site, called In your FACE-book, a rebel movement especially designed for all infertiles who don't want to hear about every burp and fart that their friend's babies do, nor about how much their friends seem to despair being parents and having to get up in the night to feed their baby....who's hungry....cos that's what babies do...and that's what you signed up for....
So who's in!
Monday, January 10, 2011
An AWESOME weekend, and a discovered talent...
So obviously going by the title we had a fantastic time at the wedding and the whole weekend ended up being a really nice little mini break for us.
Our one night stay turned into a 3 night stay after we decided to leave on Friday evening and then stayed Sunday night on a bit of a whim.
The ceremony was beautiful, held at the bride's parent's farm and set in a little gullied area filled with trees, with covered hay bales as seats, and the bride walked through the trees to the soft sounds of Ave Maria, wearing a gorgeous vintage style dress. It was just a really lovely, simple but meaningful ceremony and personal to them.
The reception was held back in town where we had the nicest food, great speeches and a lot of yakking.
Big G's parents divorced when he was quite young and his parents ended up living in different towns, so when he was 16 he went and spent a year with his dad and stepmum and attended a different school, which is where he met the bride and groom, and made a really great circle of friends, who were all at the wedding. we have vaguely kept in touch with some of them but we have all ended up being a bit spread out so he hadn't seen a few of them for 10 years or more.
The nice thing was it was as though those years had never passed, and big G just had the best time catching up with them all, and the few that I hadn't met, were so welcoming to me as well.
After the reception a group of us went back to one of the friend's houses and ended up playing darts.
the guys were playing a game called cricket on the dartboard-don't ask me how it works cos I still don't know!
We got picked for teams and although I wasn't the last picked, I was the only girl out of 6 on our team and could see the doubtful looks in some of the guys' eyes...
I should mention I have NEVER played darts before, nor have I played cricket so I hadn't a clue what the hell they were on about with the rules. I just knew there were certain numbers I had to hit on the board.
My first turn was fairly dismal although they all landed somewhere on the actual board at least, my next turn I asked my team where I was supposed to aim for, chucked them at the board and next thing I know I'm being mightily high-fived by my team, somehow I had hit the right spot and scored us some great points.
Big G ,being on the opposing team, looked suprised and proud until he remembered who's side he was on and we stared each other down through the smoke filled garage.
My next turn I asked the guys again where I should aim for and somehow I threw only 2 darts and ended up 'bowling the other team out' by landing right on the mark.
We decided to have a second game, and a couple of great scores later I ended up winning the game for us AGAIN. All of this in my pretty wedding attire and with a plastic backed camping blanket wrapped around me for warmth.
A round of high fives and manly back slapping later and it was official, I was declared a dart shark, the guys couldn't believe it was my first game and big G decided he was going to market me, enter me in dart tournaments and make some big bucks out of me...
So that is the hidden talent that was revealed this weekend, I am a master of throwing little pointy darts at a board, as long as someone is there to tell me what number to aim for.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm extremely proud of this newfound talent, and will be pursuing it on to Olympic level. I may even start my own clothing line for women dart players.I'm thinking lots of lycra for ease of movement and extra flexibilty with 'the stance'.
Anyway we had a great time this weekend, and infertility was far in the back reaches of my mind the whole time. Gotta love that.
Our one night stay turned into a 3 night stay after we decided to leave on Friday evening and then stayed Sunday night on a bit of a whim.
The ceremony was beautiful, held at the bride's parent's farm and set in a little gullied area filled with trees, with covered hay bales as seats, and the bride walked through the trees to the soft sounds of Ave Maria, wearing a gorgeous vintage style dress. It was just a really lovely, simple but meaningful ceremony and personal to them.
The reception was held back in town where we had the nicest food, great speeches and a lot of yakking.
Big G's parents divorced when he was quite young and his parents ended up living in different towns, so when he was 16 he went and spent a year with his dad and stepmum and attended a different school, which is where he met the bride and groom, and made a really great circle of friends, who were all at the wedding. we have vaguely kept in touch with some of them but we have all ended up being a bit spread out so he hadn't seen a few of them for 10 years or more.
The nice thing was it was as though those years had never passed, and big G just had the best time catching up with them all, and the few that I hadn't met, were so welcoming to me as well.
After the reception a group of us went back to one of the friend's houses and ended up playing darts.
the guys were playing a game called cricket on the dartboard-don't ask me how it works cos I still don't know!
We got picked for teams and although I wasn't the last picked, I was the only girl out of 6 on our team and could see the doubtful looks in some of the guys' eyes...
I should mention I have NEVER played darts before, nor have I played cricket so I hadn't a clue what the hell they were on about with the rules. I just knew there were certain numbers I had to hit on the board.
My first turn was fairly dismal although they all landed somewhere on the actual board at least, my next turn I asked my team where I was supposed to aim for, chucked them at the board and next thing I know I'm being mightily high-fived by my team, somehow I had hit the right spot and scored us some great points.
Big G ,being on the opposing team, looked suprised and proud until he remembered who's side he was on and we stared each other down through the smoke filled garage.
My next turn I asked the guys again where I should aim for and somehow I threw only 2 darts and ended up 'bowling the other team out' by landing right on the mark.
We decided to have a second game, and a couple of great scores later I ended up winning the game for us AGAIN. All of this in my pretty wedding attire and with a plastic backed camping blanket wrapped around me for warmth.
A round of high fives and manly back slapping later and it was official, I was declared a dart shark, the guys couldn't believe it was my first game and big G decided he was going to market me, enter me in dart tournaments and make some big bucks out of me...
So that is the hidden talent that was revealed this weekend, I am a master of throwing little pointy darts at a board, as long as someone is there to tell me what number to aim for.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm extremely proud of this newfound talent, and will be pursuing it on to Olympic level. I may even start my own clothing line for women dart players.I'm thinking lots of lycra for ease of movement and extra flexibilty with 'the stance'.
Anyway we had a great time this weekend, and infertility was far in the back reaches of my mind the whole time. Gotta love that.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Off on a tangent...
Big G and I are off to a wedding this Saturday for 2 schoolfriends of his who we haven't seen for a long time.
We were talking in the car yesterday on the way home from the clinic, about people who ask us when/if we are trying to have a baby, and what we should say to them.
This came up because he has been doing summer work with a mate from his course, who he had actually mentioned to ages ago, that we were trying to get pregnant-before we found out there was a problem.
He was talking to this guy a few days ago, asking him about his own 2 kids, and of course the inevitable question came up about how we were getting on, so big G tried to brush it off by saying we were still trying but just taking it as it comes etc.
The friend then asked if big G was worried it was taking so long...to which big G replied 'no'....hmmm how any sane person can not be worried that it's taking almost 2 years to get pregnant is beyond me...but that was his answer and I know he just didn't want to talk about it-especially to another guy.Fair enough..
So back to the wedding, I warned him that it's pretty much a given that we will be asked when we are going to have children, there are friends there that we haven't seen for years, but who were at our own wedding, and have also have children themselves since then...I'm not so much bothered if we get asked, it's a natural question and not meant to be hurtful.
BUT I really hate lying to people and pretending that either we are either career driven (not very convincing seeing as I have sold my business and only work part time now) and waiting for another few years, or that children haven't even crossed our minds yet after 3 years of marriage, or whatever other excuse we can come up with.
I know that big G thinks our fertility troubles are no-one else's business but ours, I feel that way myself at the moment, but I said to him yesterday, lets just be honest and say 'we would love to have children soon' and let them draw their own conclusions from that. And hopefully no more questions follow.
One thing we have agreed on though with our FET is that we aren't going to tell anyone any times or dates about what's happening...except for my blog readers and forum friends.
My mum was quite involved in the first part of our IVF cycle, she's a nurse and so she did a few of my blood tests and things...but I found I just got frustrated with her attempts to put a positive spin on everything "oh well, so you have to wait for a FET, it's only another few months and you get to enjoy Christmas"
And being a nurse she gets the results of our tests through our fertility clinic as they're forwarded on to our GP, so recently when big G had a sperm analysis done, and we didn't want to talk about the results with anyone, she mentioned them a few weeks later, saying how it was disappointing that the count had gone down "but isn't it great that the motility has gone from 7% to 30%". Okay...could our personal life be any more invaded?And that's so unfair on big G to have his mother in law knowing such personal details.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mum to bits and in fairness she was a huge help with organising our inital tests and things when we first started investigating, but I decided this time around I will be asking our clinic NOT to forward anything on to our GP, and also I'll be getting all of my blood tests done at a different lab.
This is our own personal journey and I feel like we need to do this without anyone else's opinions or positive spins now - it's up to us to draw our own positive spins on issues, or, if we feel like it, we have the right to feel like sh*t without someone telling us it's all okay when it's not.
And under normal circumstances if we were trying to concieve naturally, would we really be telling people-
"Oh by the way, friend/family member/stranger, we had sex last night, I was ovulating so we should find out whether we made a baby in approximately 2 weeks...how about you txt me on the day to see if I have my period or not"
So apart from you guys knowing, we are determined to do this FET on our own!
Anyway this post totally went off on a tangent but I feel good for having let it all out...my fingers are bloody sore now from my furious 2 finger typing, must learn to type properly some day....
We were talking in the car yesterday on the way home from the clinic, about people who ask us when/if we are trying to have a baby, and what we should say to them.
This came up because he has been doing summer work with a mate from his course, who he had actually mentioned to ages ago, that we were trying to get pregnant-before we found out there was a problem.
He was talking to this guy a few days ago, asking him about his own 2 kids, and of course the inevitable question came up about how we were getting on, so big G tried to brush it off by saying we were still trying but just taking it as it comes etc.
The friend then asked if big G was worried it was taking so long...to which big G replied 'no'....hmmm how any sane person can not be worried that it's taking almost 2 years to get pregnant is beyond me...but that was his answer and I know he just didn't want to talk about it-especially to another guy.Fair enough..
So back to the wedding, I warned him that it's pretty much a given that we will be asked when we are going to have children, there are friends there that we haven't seen for years, but who were at our own wedding, and have also have children themselves since then...I'm not so much bothered if we get asked, it's a natural question and not meant to be hurtful.
BUT I really hate lying to people and pretending that either we are either career driven (not very convincing seeing as I have sold my business and only work part time now) and waiting for another few years, or that children haven't even crossed our minds yet after 3 years of marriage, or whatever other excuse we can come up with.
I know that big G thinks our fertility troubles are no-one else's business but ours, I feel that way myself at the moment, but I said to him yesterday, lets just be honest and say 'we would love to have children soon' and let them draw their own conclusions from that. And hopefully no more questions follow.
One thing we have agreed on though with our FET is that we aren't going to tell anyone any times or dates about what's happening...except for my blog readers and forum friends.
My mum was quite involved in the first part of our IVF cycle, she's a nurse and so she did a few of my blood tests and things...but I found I just got frustrated with her attempts to put a positive spin on everything "oh well, so you have to wait for a FET, it's only another few months and you get to enjoy Christmas"
And being a nurse she gets the results of our tests through our fertility clinic as they're forwarded on to our GP, so recently when big G had a sperm analysis done, and we didn't want to talk about the results with anyone, she mentioned them a few weeks later, saying how it was disappointing that the count had gone down "but isn't it great that the motility has gone from 7% to 30%". Okay...could our personal life be any more invaded?And that's so unfair on big G to have his mother in law knowing such personal details.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mum to bits and in fairness she was a huge help with organising our inital tests and things when we first started investigating, but I decided this time around I will be asking our clinic NOT to forward anything on to our GP, and also I'll be getting all of my blood tests done at a different lab.
This is our own personal journey and I feel like we need to do this without anyone else's opinions or positive spins now - it's up to us to draw our own positive spins on issues, or, if we feel like it, we have the right to feel like sh*t without someone telling us it's all okay when it's not.
And under normal circumstances if we were trying to concieve naturally, would we really be telling people-
"Oh by the way, friend/family member/stranger, we had sex last night, I was ovulating so we should find out whether we made a baby in approximately 2 weeks...how about you txt me on the day to see if I have my period or not"
So apart from you guys knowing, we are determined to do this FET on our own!
Anyway this post totally went off on a tangent but I feel good for having let it all out...my fingers are bloody sore now from my furious 2 finger typing, must learn to type properly some day....
Thursday, January 6, 2011
An appointment,a chance encounter, and MORE waiting
We had our follow up appointment today at the clinic.
I went armed with questions on a piece of paper that once in there I was too embarrassed to pull out and consult but I remembered all of them anyway and our FS is so nice, he was quite apologetic about the fact that I had overstimulated, and then told me how unusual I was for having such a high FSH but a good AMH, and great ovarian reserve, apparently I am only one of 2 people he has come across with this rather confusing affliction.Awesome- I feel very...'special'....
But here's the dumb part, and it's my own stupid fault for making assumptions that I would be doing a FET in my next cycle...turns out it has to be the cycle AFTER that, so essentially embryo transfer won't be until the end of Feb.
Now I know that seems a small thing and hey, whats another 28 days, but honestly can this thing be dragged out any more?I just want to make it to the finish line of this bloody first IVF cycle.
He wants us to do a manufactured cycle...progynova tablets 3 times a day for 8(?) weeks, and pessaries,I was expecting a natural cycle so I'm off to madly google all I can about manufactured cycles.
The doc said that we have about a 40% chance with this FET, which in my glass-half-full state I thought sounded pretty good...until he added-
"so that means you have a 60% chance being back here for your second round of IVF"
This is the statement that my positive thinking brain had been kindly quashing to the back of my mind so I could blissfully ignore it.....until he kindly pointed it out.
So lesson learnt today-DO NOT make unfounded assumptions about your FET, you will only be disappointed!
Anyway that's my small gripe over with, and as my resolution is to stay positive this year, I'm thinking positively that I will use my extra month of waiting, to go hard at the gym and exercise away my frustrations.
So after the appointment we were heading over to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and of all places to run into someone-we bump into my little sister! To explain, little sis is a professional rower and lives about an hour away from us in a town where all of the rowers reside to be nearby the lake, and this town is about another half hour from the city which the clinic is in, so it was totally unexpected to run into her.
Turns out she was waiting for her boyfriend at a medical centre and we all ended up having a super nice lunch together at a cafe.
Both of my sisters know that we need to do IVF, but otherwise I have kept most of the details and appointments etc fairly quiet from them, so she had no idea we would be there but she obviously knew why and didn't ask any questions which was good,it's nice not to have to talk about it sometimes ya know.
So that made our trip definitely worthwhile, and now if anyone asks why I wasn't there with 4000 others to run screaming towards The Hoff I can say it's because I was spending quality time with my little sis!
I went armed with questions on a piece of paper that once in there I was too embarrassed to pull out and consult but I remembered all of them anyway and our FS is so nice, he was quite apologetic about the fact that I had overstimulated, and then told me how unusual I was for having such a high FSH but a good AMH, and great ovarian reserve, apparently I am only one of 2 people he has come across with this rather confusing affliction.Awesome- I feel very...'special'....
But here's the dumb part, and it's my own stupid fault for making assumptions that I would be doing a FET in my next cycle...turns out it has to be the cycle AFTER that, so essentially embryo transfer won't be until the end of Feb.
Now I know that seems a small thing and hey, whats another 28 days, but honestly can this thing be dragged out any more?I just want to make it to the finish line of this bloody first IVF cycle.
He wants us to do a manufactured cycle...progynova tablets 3 times a day for 8(?) weeks, and pessaries,I was expecting a natural cycle so I'm off to madly google all I can about manufactured cycles.
The doc said that we have about a 40% chance with this FET, which in my glass-half-full state I thought sounded pretty good...until he added-
"so that means you have a 60% chance being back here for your second round of IVF"
This is the statement that my positive thinking brain had been kindly quashing to the back of my mind so I could blissfully ignore it.....until he kindly pointed it out.
So lesson learnt today-DO NOT make unfounded assumptions about your FET, you will only be disappointed!
Anyway that's my small gripe over with, and as my resolution is to stay positive this year, I'm thinking positively that I will use my extra month of waiting, to go hard at the gym and exercise away my frustrations.
So after the appointment we were heading over to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and of all places to run into someone-we bump into my little sister! To explain, little sis is a professional rower and lives about an hour away from us in a town where all of the rowers reside to be nearby the lake, and this town is about another half hour from the city which the clinic is in, so it was totally unexpected to run into her.
Turns out she was waiting for her boyfriend at a medical centre and we all ended up having a super nice lunch together at a cafe.
Both of my sisters know that we need to do IVF, but otherwise I have kept most of the details and appointments etc fairly quiet from them, so she had no idea we would be there but she obviously knew why and didn't ask any questions which was good,it's nice not to have to talk about it sometimes ya know.
So that made our trip definitely worthwhile, and now if anyone asks why I wasn't there with 4000 others to run screaming towards The Hoff I can say it's because I was spending quality time with my little sis!
Monday, January 3, 2011
To Hoff,or not to Hoff...
So we have a follow up appointment with our fertility specialist this Thursday.
Coincidentally this is also the one day that David Hasselhoff has decided to visit my town for the first time ever, to promote a new icecream.
I'm thinking I should phone the clinic and tell them I simply cannot make the appointment, as I have a very important fan-mobbing of The Hoff to attend to.
To be honest I didn't expect to feel as though this would be a very important day in my life,I used to love Baywatch, but now I watch him on America's got Talent and he kinda creeps me out now....
But c'mon!How many opportunities will I ever get to see the Hoff in all of his Baywatch red-shorted glory again!
What could be more important than joining in on the Baywatch themed frivolities on my hometown beach, and free icecreams too so I hear!....
Oh that's right....we've been trying to make a baby for 2 years...
Hoffmeister, It is with sadness I say that I cannot let you take precedence over my baby-making duties so your mob will be missing one regretful giraffe.Ah well re-runs of Baywatch will have to do I guess.
Coincidentally this is also the one day that David Hasselhoff has decided to visit my town for the first time ever, to promote a new icecream.
I'm thinking I should phone the clinic and tell them I simply cannot make the appointment, as I have a very important fan-mobbing of The Hoff to attend to.
To be honest I didn't expect to feel as though this would be a very important day in my life,I used to love Baywatch, but now I watch him on America's got Talent and he kinda creeps me out now....
But c'mon!How many opportunities will I ever get to see the Hoff in all of his Baywatch red-shorted glory again!
What could be more important than joining in on the Baywatch themed frivolities on my hometown beach, and free icecreams too so I hear!....
Oh that's right....we've been trying to make a baby for 2 years...
Hoffmeister, It is with sadness I say that I cannot let you take precedence over my baby-making duties so your mob will be missing one regretful giraffe.Ah well re-runs of Baywatch will have to do I guess.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Finally...'next year' is here!
Hurray we have made it to 'next year' finally!
I've been thinking about 'next year' for quite a while, willing it to hurry up and now it's here.
Had a great New Year's eve last night, went to my friends midwife appointment with her which was really cool actually, got to hear her baby's heartbeat and her midwife is SO lovely, I hope I get to use her someday too.
Then went to a bbq, lots of kids there, and I think we were the only childless couple except for some other friends that stopped by earlier on, but it was an awesome night and we were the last ones left standing with our friends who had the bbq(I guess because we didn't have children to get home!)
There were a few comments thrown our way from some new couples that we met, about 'did we have kids' and how lucky we were to be able to sleep in etc etc, for the most part I didn't mind but I think all of the comments got to big G a little at one point and he leaned over and whispered to me "we WILL have a baby someday, I promise".
I do realise that some people never have and never will experience infertility and will never know what it's like to want to be a part of the parent club so badly but have no control over gaining membership to that club, so I know now not to take things personally, I can't fault people for not realising these things and I'm pretty sure I may well have said or done the same thing if we had fallen pregnant when we had first started trying.
I just hope that when we do have a baby we don't forget what it's like, and I know there are certain things I will never say to the childless couple in the group, especially without knowing them very well and what their reasons might be for not having children..
I will especially never tell them how 'lucky' they are to be able to sleep in, an extra few hours sleep in the mornings is definitely not a worthwhile trade off to being unable to fall pregnant. As well as the fact that infertility causes many a sleepless night anyway.
But we did have some good laughs too and met some great people, and very entertaining to watch all of the children playing together!
I've listened to my new relaxation/self hypnosis thingy for the last 2 days and I'm going to try and listen to it daily, I've been managing to actually completely relax for the half hour track, which I usually find quite hard to do, so I figure even if the subliminal message doesn't get through, half an hour of total relaxation a day has got to be good for me.
So my sister asked me today if I have any New Years resolutions and to be honest I can't think of anything in particular. I guess my last post kind of sums it up in a way, I just want to try and be more positive, I hope I haven't gone against that with what I've said in this post, but I feel like I did remain positive last night whereas a few weeks ago it all might have gotten too much for me so I feel good about that.
We have our review appointment with our specialist this Thursday so hopefully he will give us an idea of when we can do our FET!I can't wait!
I've been thinking about 'next year' for quite a while, willing it to hurry up and now it's here.
Had a great New Year's eve last night, went to my friends midwife appointment with her which was really cool actually, got to hear her baby's heartbeat and her midwife is SO lovely, I hope I get to use her someday too.
Then went to a bbq, lots of kids there, and I think we were the only childless couple except for some other friends that stopped by earlier on, but it was an awesome night and we were the last ones left standing with our friends who had the bbq(I guess because we didn't have children to get home!)
There were a few comments thrown our way from some new couples that we met, about 'did we have kids' and how lucky we were to be able to sleep in etc etc, for the most part I didn't mind but I think all of the comments got to big G a little at one point and he leaned over and whispered to me "we WILL have a baby someday, I promise".
I do realise that some people never have and never will experience infertility and will never know what it's like to want to be a part of the parent club so badly but have no control over gaining membership to that club, so I know now not to take things personally, I can't fault people for not realising these things and I'm pretty sure I may well have said or done the same thing if we had fallen pregnant when we had first started trying.
I just hope that when we do have a baby we don't forget what it's like, and I know there are certain things I will never say to the childless couple in the group, especially without knowing them very well and what their reasons might be for not having children..
I will especially never tell them how 'lucky' they are to be able to sleep in, an extra few hours sleep in the mornings is definitely not a worthwhile trade off to being unable to fall pregnant. As well as the fact that infertility causes many a sleepless night anyway.
But we did have some good laughs too and met some great people, and very entertaining to watch all of the children playing together!
I've listened to my new relaxation/self hypnosis thingy for the last 2 days and I'm going to try and listen to it daily, I've been managing to actually completely relax for the half hour track, which I usually find quite hard to do, so I figure even if the subliminal message doesn't get through, half an hour of total relaxation a day has got to be good for me.
So my sister asked me today if I have any New Years resolutions and to be honest I can't think of anything in particular. I guess my last post kind of sums it up in a way, I just want to try and be more positive, I hope I haven't gone against that with what I've said in this post, but I feel like I did remain positive last night whereas a few weeks ago it all might have gotten too much for me so I feel good about that.
We have our review appointment with our specialist this Thursday so hopefully he will give us an idea of when we can do our FET!I can't wait!
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