Sunday, January 30, 2011

Lets get POSITIVE,POSITIVE

You have to sing that title to the tune of 'Physical".....okay you may also add some moves-you know you want to!

Argh I'm going bloody crazy trying to keep in a good frame of mind. And do you know what has gotten me into a funk? Talking about stupid IVF. A friend asked me today how things were going, I don't mind, she is a lovely, caring friend and she was checking in on what's been happening. But since then it's all come back to the surface. I've actually been thinking a couple of bad thoughts since a sleepless night last night, but I haven't really let them take over until now.

So I'm just going to put them out into the universe, and hope that they dissipate soon

1. I keep wondering WHY I'm doing a medicated cycle, when I have regular periods and ovulate fairly regularly. I won't kick up a fuss because I trust my specialist, but I had just hoped to do this FET as naturally as possible without messing around any more with my hormones. And the other thing is that if we aren't successful, I found out recently that we would have to wait TWO more full cycles before doing another FET.That would put us in....June.Excellent.

2. I can't stop thinking 'what if' .What if our embryos don't thaw, what if we have two BFN's and have to go back on a waiting list for a 2nd round of IVF. I don't know if I can make it through another year or so with no hint of a pregnancy.

3. I'm annoyed that I'm annoyed. What happened to my groovy, peace and love and all is good in the world 'tude?

And that's it. Now go free, oh bad thoughts, and piss off so I can be happy and positive again.
Posted by at

9 comments:

  1. ousoonerchickJanuary 30, 2011 at 9:28 PM

    Now that damn song is stuck in my head. I think the same thing all the time. I ov and am reg but am on drugs. I just think maybe my eggs just need alittle help or if/when we do IUI maybe DH sperm neeed help and if it comes to IVF then maybe they just need help meeting even thought my cycle is normal. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    Be gone evil arse bad vibes! Clench your bum cheeks to keep them out!

    Can I suggest a negative jar, just like a swear jar?

    IVF is "I VOW 2 FIGHT"... You, Haidee, Tan, Chon and others have taught me this. I'm sure your stress is normal. You have been amazing with your cool attitude, but you are allowed to be normal too. Don't pressure yourself too much and feel free to smack me up as I have no idea about IVF and the lead up. I just want you to be happy..xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. SaraJanuary 31, 2011 at 2:47 AM

    It is good that you are getting this out of your system...now let those thoughts just fly away. There are so many "what ifs" we could all let ourselves think up. But "what if" it all just works out? I really hope it does for you. Now that you are free of these thoughts you will get your groove back! Sending you peace and love.

    ReplyDelete
  4. annieJanuary 31, 2011 at 6:45 AM

    Nice title! I read it and before I even saw the reference to the song, I was reading it along to the lyrics.

    Also, thank you so much for your kind words on my blog this week. Losing my friend has been incredibly difficult, and will continue to be this way, but having the support of you and everyone out here makes it so much easier!

    AP

    ReplyDelete
  5. clewisJanuary 31, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    It scares me everyday too that I might have to do another ivf, and we cant afford another and cant get on the wait list till Aug 2012, so I know the feeling, I cant bear to think of not actively doing anytthing for that long, unfortentely its money isnt it! but lets forget that and get back to a positive frame of mind. I though FET were more natural too??

    ReplyDelete
  6. BridgetJanuary 31, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    I know how you feel, I wonder all the time what I will do if this round of IVF doesn't work and we don't have any frozen cycles to work with. Try to stay positive...it's so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  7. a field of dreamsJanuary 31, 2011 at 3:58 PM

    It's usually around this time, just before the start of a cycle that the darkness creeps in. Get it out there into the Universe love and if it tries to sneak its way in, stab it with all your might and then squash it with those tight buns of yours.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ChonJanuary 31, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    You know what Ants, I wish that I had done a medicated cycle after the first fresh, at least it would have given me a starting point but IVF mucks your body around so it would be nice for it to be controlled and also my progesterone was all over the shop and i think that is why #2 failed to stick. #3 was my body saying I am one baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad motha fkr i ain't implanting no thing in here! What if what if what IF, thinking about it isn't going to change it so you have to put it in the negative jar. I know that you have these thoughts in your head but you can't do anything so you might as well ditch the effort it is taking to think about it and finallly buns of steel. nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AntsJanuary 31, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Thanks for the nice positive comments guys. The weird thing is, this blog IS my swear jar/negative jar, well it's an outlet anyway, and I felt better as soon as I wrote that post!
    Athena- you're so right, I was a bloody mess the 2 weeks before starting IVF and I guess this is kind of similar-but I'm definitely not feeling as bad as I was then!
    Chon-thanks for the feedback about your medicated cycle, I guess I'm nervous about it because I don't KNOW much about it and why I'm doing it-but that helps to know!
    Oh and I feel I have mislead you all to think I have a fantastic arse, I meant it when I said aluminium!Very inferior to steel...sheesh now I really better start working hard to live up to these great expectations of my butt cheeks!haha

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)