Getting excited

So you're pregnant after IF.

NOW WHAT?


Hmmm let me see, obsessive underwear checking stopped?Nope still doing that.
Anxious waits for Blood tests over?...nooope, still doing that too.
Chucked away the pessaries and drugs? hmm nope still taking those!
But it's all different now even with those things continuing on, there's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, we're having a baby!

That first day we found out, although I was beside myself with joy, I also had feelings of guilt. I've heard people talk about survivors guilt and I didn't think it was something you felt straight away, but I did.

I'm just going to talk about it very openly here and I'm not meaning to offend anyone in any way, but that first day of texting and telling people was peppered with feelings of sadness because I knew that our news was so amazing for us, but possibly upsetting for others. We had a couple of wonderful friends who had recently had very upsetting news and although they were so loving and genuine in their congratulations, we still felt so guilty that it wasn't happening to them.

After all I know too well how much someone's happy news can also be a trigger for your own sadness, and I guess that's where being newly pregnant after IF is tricky, because you aren't one of those completely oblivious fertile myrtles that we all love to hate at times, instead you've done the IF hard yards and you know the gut wrenching feelings that go with it.

So I found it hard to really revel in the excitement of it straight away.
But then I spoke to my wonderfully wise friend about how I was feeling, who made a point that struck a chord.....this may be the only chance we get to experience this.
IF doesn't just go away and who knows if we will be lucky enough to fall pregnant again? This might be our one and only chance to enjoy pregnancy and having a child, and everything that comes with it. And with that in mind, I have started to enjoy it.
It doesn't mean I'm sailing off into pregnancy la-la land , completely oblivious to my friends who are still on the IF train, I'm cheering you all on from the side lines with flags waving and my pom poms....pomming?
And I'm there for you still 100%. But I can also completely understand that you may not always want to read my posts and that's okay too!

So I am suddenly feeling huge excitement at the journey to come. It's still a little nervewracking, my next HCG blood test is on Saturday, and then I guess they will schedule a 6-7 week scan for me at the clinic. I know it's still such early days but G and I have decided to just enjoy every part of it (well as much as we can!) and not fret about things that may not even eventuate.
We have told parents and brothers and sisters so far,and my best friend. And there is already a 'Favourite Aunty' competition looming between my sisters. This will be the first baby in my family although G is the youngest of 6, so he has quite a few nieces and nephews.

And this weekend after our 2nd blood test comes back okay we decided to go out and buy our first baby item together, we aren't superstitious about things like that and we just thought it would be a special way to celebrate the news together.

Although we already received our first baby present yesterday and I hope you don't mind but I just have to share it with you. It's from my best friend who went straight out and bought it after she heard our news-she reads my blog so this is what she chose.....

I cried when she gave it to me and can't stop getting it out of the bag and looking at it.Our first baby Giraffe item!