Textbook case.

I think after having a not-so textbook road to conceiving, and a not-so textbook first trimester...I'm discovering that I have recently been following the path of a textbook pregnancy.
I know this because the pregnancy textbook tells me so.

I have to admit the last trimester I stopped devouring my pregnancy books so much and just went with it for a while, but now I'm fascinated again to see how big baby is supposed to be and what she's doing, and I'm finding along the way that all of these niggles and weird ailments that I've had are actually pregnancy related. And I seem to open to a page and the very thing that I have been telling G about is right there in black&white in front of me.

For instance- me to G..."I think I'm getting that Carpal Tunnel Syndrome thingy-my wrist is killing me everytime I try and wring out the dishcloth" I then open a pregnancy book that very night, to read about what baby is up to in week 28, and find that in fact temporary Carpal Tunnel is actually related to pregnancy?!Something to do with your wrists swelling up I believe.

Me to G- "I think we need to change washing powders-my legs are itching like f#@k at the moment in bed and I'm sure it's the sheets!"
Again-a few days later I read another update in the book for week 29 and find that "Restless leg Syndrome" which I have also been having, can include uncontrollable twitching, itching and the feeling of crawling on your legs. So that explains that then (and also drew me a little sympathy from G who was most unsympathetic at the time when I was wriggling and twitching around in bed like a freakin centipede)

It's almost spooky how well timed these little things are compared to the book-and it's not Psychosomatic I swear because I'm reading about these things AFTER I experience them. I've also discovered that the migraines I've experienced, the weird skin rash on my wrist, and the feelings of MS returning are all normal preggy things too-who knew?

It may sound like I'm falling apart right now but in all honesty I'm feeling great- these are all small niggles that apparently most people experience and the good stuff by far outweighs all of them.

Baby girl is moving around heaps- not so many little kicks now but huge movements, big rolls and punching like movements. G and I watch my whole belly move in amazement- I think feeling her move is the best thing ever. Although it can feel really bizarre when she moves down low.

Just over 29 weeks now and we're getting super excited-11 weeks seems so soon and yet so far away at the same time. My mum has been knitting up a storm-the cutest little outfits you have ever seen, and she's also just finished her last chemo session yay!
She's so thrilled that that part is over, and now just has 6 weeks of radiotherapy beginning soon, and then it's all over just in time to meet her first grandbaby. Her hair is growing back now too- she used to have blonde curly hair but apparently it can grow back quite differently, so at the moment it's still very short but grey-and we're waiting to see if the curls come back! She actually looks amazing though, the short grey hair suits her I think!

So the last thing to update is the bump- I'm pretty sure this is my first ever bump shot on here?!
This was actually taken at just over 26 weeks I think,so belly is a little bigger now..

Not the best photo but all of the others have my head in them and I can't work out how to crop them!

cookies and other ramblings.

Well I'm now well and truly settled in our new place-I've MADE myself go out and explore the town a little bit, and I have more plans up my sleeve to start integrating myself into this new place a little more.

Number one starts today- we have loads of lovely neighbours around us, one couple are in a house just across from us, the wife looks only a couple of years older than me, and they have a 2 year old girl and a baby boy about 3 month old. We actually met them briefly when we moved in and she seemed lovely, but since then I've been a little people-shy....so I have decided today I would do something about it, and I'm going to take over some cookies that I baked last night.

I only made about 100 cookies-seriously. I decided I would bake some for G seeing as I'm going away this weekend and I got a little too excited on my mission and ended up doing 3 batches worth, chocolate chunk and ginger, and chocolate and cherry. I guess I just thought I may as save on electricity using the oven, and as a bonus only have to clean up my baking mess once-instead of 3 times.
 I'm not known for my tidy cooking, G thinks it's very funny (and perhaps a little frustrating but he doesn't complain too much-not if he wants to be chief sampler and bowl scraper anyway...) He calls me 'The mess-maker', and as hard as I try to keep things tidy while I'm baking, I just can't do it. I tell myself it's a sign of a creative cook, but actually I think it's just sheer clumsiness and terrible flour-pouring skills- It's simply impossible for me to pour a cup of flour without ending up with half of it on the bench, and more than a few spoonfuls in my hair.
But despite the carnage in the kitchen afterwards, I generally manage to produce some pretty nice eats if I do say so myself!

I'm heading home this Friday and then being driven up to Auckland with my parents for the weekend. Mum and I are going to a pregnancy/baby/children's event. Tons of different stalls and products and specials on things, so should be a fun (and possibly expensive) day! And we're staying with my 91 year old Grandad, who I love to bits and haven't seen for a couple of months so I'm looking forward to that too.
It's my second weekend away in fact, last weekend I went back home for a friend's 30th and stayed 2 nights with mum&dad. I missed G but let me tell you-there's nothing like being at home sometimes. It's so cosy and in a way I feel like a little girl again sometimes. My dad even brought me breakfast in bed on the morning I left!

Otherwise apart from growing a baby I haven't been doing too much else lately-although I've had some sewing work from friends and family and also have a job to make chair covers next week so that will keep me busy. And in between I've been making bags and cushion covers, trying to build up a collection to do a craft market at the end of the year, I have 4 covers and 2 bags so far-not much but they're fairly labour intensive with gathers, linings, zip closures etc so I figure it's a good start.

And 26 weeks pregnant now- pepe is doing well and still moving around constantly- I love it, although some of the kicks *ahem* 'down low' can feel a little strange sometimes! I see an OB in 2 weeks time and then another scan at 32 week- and after that I'm imagining time is going to start moving verrry quickly.
We're slowly building up a collection of baby gear,some new things, but a lot of it's second-hand and in good condition, and mum has been a top bargain hunter at charity shops-bringing home some gorgeous little outfits for between $1-$4 each! And much more shopping to come at the baby show this weekend I think :)

Well I know this has been a weird rambling sort of post that goes nowhere, but that's where I'm at at the moment. Hopefully will have a bump shot to come soon too!

I Love this House.

We are all moved in. I love this house.

It's owned by a family with 3 young boys who have moved overseas to work for a couple of years. It's old but warm, and lived in and loved. There's a robot chalkboard sticker on the sliding lounge door, and a playhouse at the foot of one of 2 huge trees in the frontyard. The backyard slopes off into semi-native bush and scrub, and leads down to a stream which I can hear from the deck. And the birds-so many birds-I could listen to them all day!
The house sits in 2 different worlds actually, out the front it sits among 4 other houses on a shared driveway-the best of both worlds.Friendly neighbours and then complete privacy out the back.

So what have I even been doing the last week? I've been out for a few walks but still haven't ventured out in the car yet-I'm not sure why-I'm nervous about trying to navigate my way around in the car-I'm one of those people that always chooses the familiar and easy route to get around so I had my own ways of getting to places in my hometown. So really I've spent a lot of time perfecting my Desperate Housewife persona- there's been a lot of baking and cleaning and 'fluffing' happening

I have managed to finally get inspired and get my craft on in these last 2 days though.
 I have boxes and boxes of fabric and I decided I need to turn it into nice things-so have been pattern-making and sewing and actually enjoying it.
It can get tedious when you're doing it for other people, but in my own time and being able to do exactly what I want has been a breath of fresh air. I have big plans for a market stall once I have a bit of a collection going, I have no dressmaking clients over here yet so I'm anxious to be contributing to the household income somehow!

Pepelina has been moving around a lot more- I've been a little crampy the last 2 days, so that coupled with not feeling as many movements had me feeling a little nervous but I was pleased to wake up at 3am last night and feel her have a party inside me for a good 2 hours-she has some good rhythm happening in there!I swear she's choreographing her own dance routine.

I often wonder whether I would be having a different pregnancy experience if I hadn't experienced IF - I think I would perhaps be a little more relaxed, but at the same time I'm thankful that I can really appreciate everything that's happening to me.
All the symptoms and possible complaints that come with being pregnant have a sweeter meaning to me, the heartburn makes me think of our little girl starting to grow and squash all of my insides up. the 3am dance-a-thon just makes me smile and look forward to the next kick...I don't know that I would have had quite the same appreciation for it all if we hadn't gone through what we did, and I honestly don't think I would change any of it now.

It's also made me re-evaluate the 'plans' for the ideal family that you have in your head, the number of kids and the age gaps that you want.
All of those things you think about growing up, now seem rather trivial.
Even when we started our IVF cycle I was still thinking quite far ahead, hoping we would get lots of frosties in the hopes of being able to have 2-3 kids, fretting a little about how we would pay for a second cycle if we needed to for a sibling. All of those plans have just flown out the window-and I don't mind. Whatever happens happens.
We just feel extremely lucky to be having a baby-and if it's our only one, well then we'll treasure every moment of parenthood that we're lucky enough to experience.

Why hello there :)

It's strange to find myself sitting down and actually writing a post again...I had planned to get back into my blog in  couple of weeks time when I thought I would have some alone time at home to write, you see we are moving to a new town in all of  two days and I should be tearing my hair out amid the packing chaos at the moment...
But I officially overdid it yesterday, hubby is out of the house for once, and I have no motivation to even get dressed yet-so here I am!

So a lot has happened in the last month....G started applying for jobs all over the place even though he is still 2 months away from finishing his degree-and lo and behold he got offered one at a great company in a town about an hour away from where we live now...and the best part is that they want him to finish his degree and are willing to give him the time he needs to do this, as well as start working for them.

The place we are moving to was actually on the bottom of my list of all of the places he had applied for jobs in....but I came around very quickly once we had made a few trips there and settled on a new place to rent. It's actually a beautiful area,(it's even won awards for NZ's most beautiful city!) it's green, surrounded by lakes and forest, as well as having a thriving little city centre -I think we're going to love it.

It's going to be so different for me-but I'm looking on it as a bit of a challenge. I have lived in my coastal hometown forever, my parents are still living in the house that I grew up in, and G and I have always rented around the same area. But there's also something quite exciting about moving and setting up our own family unit in a new place!

So the last 2 weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind of sorting and organizing...and trying to do as much as I can without heavy lifting (as G is frantically trying to get through as many reports and projects as he can before he starts the new job)-and also spending time googling why you're not supposed to heavy lift while your pregnant?...apparently it's because your ligaments and muscles are more relaxed and therefore can get injured easily. No need to tell me twice, I won't be arguing on that one.

And I need to just stop here now and say-my mum is an absolute angel. Even though she's knackered herself-and I'm pretty sure Chemo patients probably aren't supposed to be doing heavy lifting either, she's been helping me pack and load boxes, bringing me snacks and treats, cleaning my oven, vacuuming even though I insisted I'm fine to do it (she claims it's because she loves using my Dyson so much.....I'm not convinced) and has just been an all-round amazing mum.  I feel so guilty when she's tired herself, but she insists on helping and wants to keep busy-and I have to admit we make a good team working away together. I'm going to miss having her only 10 minutes away, and being able to call in for a chat and drink, and I'm hoping they'll come and stay with us on the weekends and I can spoil HER for once!

So that's one exciting life change happening at the moment...and of course the other exciting life change is still growing and thriving nicely, I'm just over 21 weeks pregnant now....and our little Pepe is actually a Pepelina! We had our 20 week scan and were thrilled to find out there's a little girl on board, and she's growing and doing well. I always thought that I wouldn't find out the sex of baby...and would want it to be a surprise. But let me tell you, I'm so glad we did find out, it just felt right for us, and I think after the dramas of the first trimester, I felt I needed to know -to find something out about this feisty little being in there. And I really had no inklings either way in the end-I would have been just as thrilled with a boy, either way, it's lovely just knowing.

I also thought I would never rush out and buy pink clothes if we ever found out- but alas...Pepelina's growing wardrobe now includes a pair of pink ruffle-bum tights, and a pink&white flowery onesie. But she really wanted them, and who am I to deny her?

So that's the catch up post, life is changing and trucking along quite nicely, and I shall be back next week posting from my new location.....:)

Busy is good :)

When the husband's away ...the Ants will play...on the computer that is!
After 3 weeks holiday G has returned to uni...and I finally get a proper chance to catch up on everything-I have missed out on so much in blogger world!

We have had a busy few weeks in general. We have been away 2 weekends in a row- the first was a gathering for G's extended family...the second was a gathering of my extended family, and then there's been a mad catch up during the week to get work finished, and birthday parties, mid-winter Christmas festivals, catch ups with friends, Harry Potter movie nights,oh and did I mention work in between all of that?
It's nice to be busy though-and to feel normal again! The MS is pretty much gone although I have the odd retch-fest in the morning sometimes still. But nothing that a vegemite Vogels toast won't cure.

So I'm now 16 weeks and 2 days...time is suddenly flying by, I guess that's the bonus of keeping busy. And I now feel very...comfortable in my pregnancy.I don't have the anxiety and fear that I had a few weeks back, and it's a relief. I also have a real little preggy belly now! I can't stop checking out my side profile in the mirror to make sure it's still there, I love having a little belly and I have to confess I've turned into a belly rubber-yes one of those annoying pregnant women who constantly rubs their belly. But I've confined myself to do it only at home!

So things have shifted a little in the past couple of weeks, instead of anxiously waiting until the next scan/appointment/heartbeat listen, and being scared of moving for fear of doing something to Pepe.... I feel like I'm now living a normal life again, working, socialising, exercising.....and all with my precious little stowaway on board for the ride.

It's time....

....for a new blog post.
I'm sorry for a very long absence-has it really been 4 1/2 weeks??

I'm also sorry for lack of comments and I know many of you have been going through such tough times lately.I have no excuses for ditching blogger for a while- I just needed time out while I sorted out my fears and worries with my newfound status, and I don't think my posts would have been particularly inspiring over the last few weeks.

Why have I taken such a long break? I don't really have an answer for that, I just felt I needed a break from writing down my own experiences. After I wrote the last post at 8 1/2 weeks, I had another few days of on/off bleeding, right before my birthday.And I had just about reached my sanity limit.
I know I'm very very lucky to be pregnant despite having all the bleeding- but every time it happened I had no idea whether that was going to be 'really it' that time, or what the hell was going on....there was always that thought that maybe this would be the time that the bleeding wouldn't stop-that it would keep going. So I had yet another scan (that makes 5 so far-could be a new record for first trimester scans?) and baby was absolutely fine as per the other scans.
I've had these little goals in my head since I found out I was pregnant. 'If I make it to 6 weeks then I can relax a little' 'If I make it to 9 weeks...if I make it to 12 weeks' Every time I made those milestones I still wasn't able to completely relax or stop stressing. We had our 12 week scan on the 20th, it was amazing. We could see our baby in there moving like a mad thing. Stretching it's little legs, heart beating away....we have a strong healthy little bubba in there...but I still worried. So I made another goal in my head-' If I make it to 13 weeks and the midwife can hear the heartbeat-THEN I can relax'.

We saw our midwife on Monday, she found the heartbeat straight away, reassured me that it was nice and strong, and helped alleviate my fears that sleeping on my stomach wouldn't harm the baby-and then she told me to stop worrying.

So I finally gave myself a mental slap on the cheek and told myself to snap the f*ck out of it- No more worrying, no more stressing, no more googling and asking ridiculous questions like 'will violent spewing harm my baby' (yes the morning sickness stepped up a few notches at 10 weeks). I've stopped all of that-and feeling back to my old self again. Except I have a little passenger on board now, and I'm suddenly getting super excited about the fact that we get to meet our baby in 6 months time.
I even have a not-so-subtle bump to show for it. I'm pretty certain it's not just baby though, I've always had a wee pot belly to start with anyway, and I have eaten more than my fair share of fries and spinach pies lately. But I've been sticking out my belly proudly, and I don't give two hoots if anyone thinks I just look like a chubster, I know it's a baby bump and that's all that matters.

Soooo, I'm back, 13 weeks and 1 day, feeling very positive again.... and also feeling sad for friends who have been through some extremely tough and unfair times lately-Chon, Ree and Tee and Athena, and feeling hopeful that things will look up very soon for you.

And also just wanted to say Huge Congratulations to Haidee on the birth of her wee boy on Monday, so thrilled for you and looking forward to seeing photos!

8 1/2 weeks-are we there yet?

Ways to while away the weeks in the first trimester:

Eat- basically you're hungry every 10 minutes, the constant hunting and gathering of food-(read- ferreting in the cupboard like a woman possessed and toasting bread constantly...)will help the days fly by, especially as your taste changes every few days.

Pee- for 2 reasons. Your Ute is pushing on your bladder and you need to go every 20 minutes ,but you actually go every 10 minutes so you can do an extra toilet paper check.

Worry- spend most of you waking hours worrying, and as you're spotting pretty much constantly this is easy to achieve. Also make extra time to worry about such things as: will my cat kneading on my lap harm my baby, will my worrying about my cat kneading on my lap also harm my baby? If you can, try and meet up with people who will compound your worrying by telling you that no food is safe to eat, and that if you own a cat you're bound to get toxoplasmosis, these frightening and slightly misinformed comments are all helpful to the cause.

Burp, Become a heavenly pregnant vision for your husband by burping constantly, after a few weeks don't even bother apologising, it's better for the baby to just burp it out.

Become Constipated- be sure to discuss the finer details with your husband, you know you've reached a new level in your relationship when he asks in a very concerned manner if you've 'gone' yet.

Test your marriage-  a good way to do this is by insisting that you simply cannot make it through the supermarket shop without some KFC fries. Wait until your husband has reached the entrance of the drive-through and then shout "WAIT- I don't feel like KFC chips I want McDonalds fries" insert a sob here for extra ammunition. If your husband turns around and actually goes to McDonalds you have a keeper. True story....

Practice coughing - you're pretty sure that the cough you have isn't good for the baby with all of that movement, so you develop a new 'gentle' way of coughing - 'ahh-hack....ah-hack'. Eventually though your need to cough will build to a crescendo and you will start going 'AH-HACK' violently and cough and splutter for 10 minutes and then hope like hell you haven't coughed baby off it's perch.

Injure Yourself -as if you haven't worried enough, wait until you have had your 8 week scan and are feeling really good, then stuff your lower back so you can barely walk or sit, and have to resort to rolling and sliding to get yourself up off the bed-make sure you allow time to worry about whether the pain is harmful to baby, and also whether your physio knows what she's doing with a pregnant woman.

Internet Shop- on your good days, spend hours poring over baby gear on the internet, buy clothes in size 3-6 months as you're pretty sure baby will be a giant just like you were when it's born, and while you're back is still injured,be sure to bid on useful DVDs like 'Preggi Bellies' a fitness program. Tell yourself numerous times that you must re-inflate your swiss ball one of these days-never get around to doing it.

Pepe is 8 1/2 weeks today woohoo!

Pics from the 8 weeks scan-teeny little arm and leg buds-squee!