Auntie Ants' surefire ways to bring on your period.
1. Select a pair of brand new white undies from your drawers and wear them on the day you wish your AF to appear.
2.Book a romantic weekend away and fervently pray for your period not to arrive the first day.Your prayers will not be answered.
3.Book a brazilian for the day you would like it to arrive.
4.Take a pregnancy test-this is guaranteed to bring on your period within 10 minutes.Make sure you have convinced yourself you are pregnant first or this will not work.
5.Tell friends about how you think this might be your month, and list all of your possible pregnancy symptoms. Take a bathroom break 5 minutes later and hey presto!
6. Book a swim session at your local pool-make certain it is on the busiest day of the week.If you really want to guarantee AFs arrival-choose a time when the mum&babies swimming lessons are taking place.
7.Organise a 'Fright Night' in order to scare your uterus out of it's lining.Suggested dvd's are 'Hostel', 'Saw' and 'From Justin to Kelly'
8.Tell your Uterus you're taking it shopping for a new lining-that lining it's wearing is so last season.
9.Send yourself a pretend pregnancy announcement text. Your period should arrive within the hour.For best results make sure it includes the lines 'we weren't even trying!'
10.Head away for a day trip to a remote island whilst on your OE in Ireland. Make certain you have no pads, tampons or even tissues, and also make sure there is a serious shortage of toilets on the island. (true story-arrgh!)
11.Have sex while eating a hot curry and bouncing on a swiss ball all at the same time....oh wait-that's for bringing on labour.What the hell it's worth a try.
*Disclaimer*Auntie Ants takes no responsibility for any underwear ruined, nor for any uncontrollable urges to throw your remote at the TV while watching 'From Justin to Kelly'.
Update....Ants has now tried all of her own suggestions including flying back to Ireland, and hot curry sex on a swiss ball(not recommended) and still no AF. Any other suggestions most welcome as she would really quite like to start her next FET. Thanking you in advance.
Fantastic... love it - esp 5 - that worked for me every time !! xo
ReplyDeleteYou are SUCH a silly girl! I love it! I am patiently waiting for AF right now (CD 31, and FET is THIS month!) so this was PERFECT timing!!!
ReplyDeleteWell number 4 has def worked for me in the past. Now how do you make it stay away for 12 or so months??? CD26 for me, 1 day late for my period party! Don't think there will be any surprises though, just lots of cake..xo
ReplyDeletePee on a stick or even thinking about POAS always brings it on for me......
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant (yet sad too) I can relate to most. Hey even when there was a pinkish colour on the loo paper, I convinced myself it was the printing yet I knew deep down I only bought the plain white.
ReplyDeletePOAS always worked for me in the past LOL. I hope she comes soon!
ReplyDeletehahahaha!
ReplyDeleteYep- number 4 works a treat every time!
Oh- and i love your number 10- sounds like quite an experience!!!!
You are hilarious! This post made my day. I have an addition to the list (though not nearly as funny as yours)...go to fertility yoga, listen to the other women talk about how they are in their two week wait or got their first BFP already and then do all of the poses that are supposed to help you get pregnant. AF will come right after class to remind you that you are not pregnant...or at least that has been my experience for two weeks in a row!
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