Day 38, very very late....

So yesterday wasn't the best day at first, when I wrote that post I think everything had caught up with me, and I suddenly felt exhausted. I have had really wacky dreams lately-I've been waking up most mornings for the last couple of weeks and saying to G "I just had the weirdest dream" some are scary and some are just plain bizarre.A dream interpreter would have a field day I'm sure!

We had visited my mum on Saturday and although the surgery went well, she obviously wasn't herself as you would expect and it was hard to see her like that...and she has been feeling quite panicky and anxious. I visited her today and she seemed so much better and was able to explain to me about those panicky feelings- she said it freaked her out to know that her reconstructed breast is actually her tummy(they used her tummy to reconstruct it) and that it felt all numb-it must just be the strangest feeling I reckon and it would make me feel panicky too.
I went on my own today to see her and it was nice actually, we chatted lots and went for a very slow walk down the corridor and back and I just hung out a bit and I did a bit of room re-organizing for her and helped her put her compression stockings on etc- we joked about how it was good practice in case I ever needed to put little stockings on any kitties in my future veterinary career. It felt like my mum was back again.

So now I'm on a mission to get life back into order again. I mentioned in my last post how I find it hard to DO anything at times like this...I spent all day yesterday aimlessly trawling on the internet and reading without taking anything in. But I actually have work to do and a rather messy house to clean and I need to get myself together and start doing it!

G has been lovely and very understanding, it's kind of an unspoken agreement that seeing as I really only work part time and from home, that I should be doing most of the housework-but I certainly haven't been lately and he hasn't once complained, and has picked up the slack for me. He even got me breakfast in bed this morning before he went off to study as I woke up knackered and couldn't drag myself out of bed.

Oh and I can't believe it's Day 38 of my cycle today, I got a little excited yesterday when I thought I detected the faintest spot of colour ever imaginable and felt a little crampy again...but once again, nothing today. I feel quite calm about it now, but lately I have just had waves of wistfulness wash over me, I just need to be pregnant, I need to have a baby soon, I need something good to happen, and it would be rather helpful if I can move to the next cycle and start being a little proactive again.
 G's theory is that my cycle length will be 44 days- the 16 days of Progynova taking, and then with an additional 28 days added to that, he could be onto something there but I guess time will tell!