Day 33.......

I'm on day 33 now....still no period. And I'm still saying to G every night that "tomorrow it will be here!" But alas, I've been stood up by my own AF.
Left sitting at a restaurant looking at other happy women with their AF's, while I sit alone swirling my non-alcoholic grape juice with a straw, with an unopened box of tampons in my bag and a uterus that can't handle the pressure.
I have stopped running to the bathroom a thousand times a day to check now, my period enthusiasm has gone, I'm a hardened woman now, it's time to move on and start living again....
Yeah okay that's all a bit dramatic, really i'm just going to have to wait it out.

I have enough other things going on to distract me this week as it is...unfortunately not the good kind. My mum has been back and forth to appointments and scans this past week, I went with her to an MRI scan last week, which found other areas of cancer growing throughout her breast- so she's having it completely removed and reconstructed.
We weren't sure when her sugery was going to be until she was suddenly rung this week and they have an opening for this Friday!So it's suddenly all very real- and I can't imagine how scary it must be for her, although at the moment I know she's just on autopilot and throwing herself into the organizational side of it, I just worry about how she will be after the surgery as I think it will suddenly hit home for her.
I try not to think about worse case scenario too much, but I do have the worry in the back of my mind that what if the cancer has spread, as they need to still properly check her lymph nodes which I think they do during the surgery.
It just seems to have grown so fast- mum knows it has as she was monitering this strange lump from the start and it literally just doubled in a month-and now that we know there are other areas too in that breast it does worry me.
But I know I can't dwell on that too much until we know anything for sure so I will quash those thoughts for a while and stick with my 'everything will be fine and dandy' frame of mind.

 My older sister and I are getting together this afternoon to make my mum a 'hospital dolly', out of calico and with little clothes to dress it up like my mum. And then we are making a pair of big detachable boobs, and making a little bag for dolly with a smaller pair of boobies that she can swap them with.
It might sound very strange but my mum will love it, and my sister and I will have fun doing it-we both have a bit of a strange sense of humour!

So with all of this to occupy my mind hopefully AF will sneak up on me and then it's all systems go!