I've struggled to think of anything to write the past few days, and this won't be a comedic post as all of those posts are rather sarcastic and I don't feel sarcastic today.
I feel...excited, hopeful, content,slightly emotional, happy, just a weird mix of emotions.
I'm excited about our upcoming Embryo transfer...but I'm also strangely excited about life in general-as in life outside infertility.
I feel that the gym has done absolute wonders for my state of mind so far this year, it's such a small thing, I only go about 2-3 times a week. But I look forward to the classes and it keeps my mind off everything, and I guess I look forward to seeing the results just as much as I look forward to seeing the results of FET-if that makes sense? In fact I'll almost feel a little disappointed to give up the strenuous classes if I get a BFP next month-does that make me the worst infertile ever?
This is probably the right moment to get it all out there and admit that although I'm excited about Embryo transfer day-I'm also almost just as excited that we will be going for lunch at my favourite restaurant afterwards...again I say...worst infertile ever?
I don't know, I think I'm just starting to realise there is life and joy outside of this little anxious sad bubble I've been floating around in for the past 2 years. Don't get me wrong, I will be absolutely wetting my pants with excitement if we get a BFP, but I'm kind of enjoying putting infertility second for a while, and thinking about things that make me happy.
I have also made big decision over the past couple of days. I'm going to go back and study-to become a Veterinary Assistant.
I have a Diploma in Fashion Design which has served me well the past 6 or so years and culminated in me owning a Clothing Alterations business for the past few years, but I sold that last year-mainly to give us the best chance of IVF working. And now I just can't see myself doing anything fashion related as a career for the rest of my life. I will always sew and carry on with my crafts because I love it. but I need something a little more fulfilling. So I thought really hard about what my other passions were and the first thing that came to mind was animals.
I mean I am NUTS about animals. I can find the 'cute' in anything.Even cows!Which would explain why I'm a vegetarian.... G and I had a holiday to the Sunshine Coast last year and we went to Australia Zoo and then got to tour the animal hospital on site-they do a show on TV called Wild Vets. I absolutely loved it and I just wanted to be there inside those rooms taking care of the animals like the Vets were.They had baby bats in there and I just about fell over with delight.
So as soon as the thought of Veterinarian assistant came to mind I immediately thought that is what I want to do.
I know it will be tough, and I know there will be hard times, but I really feel such a strong empathy with animals and I just think this could be 'the' career for me.the job that will satisfy me for years to come.
Sooo...with this new decision and life plan in place, I suddenly have something else in life to look forward to as well as babies, and it feels good, empowering you might say. Obviously I won't be studying this year but it's nice to have a goal to work towards.
I almost feel guilty that my FET isn't foremost in my thoughts right now, but you know what, I just feel bloody great right now!
Maybe it's best that your FET isn't the only thing in your head right now. That will make you relax and take things as they come. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI am so excited for your new career. A new beginning is a great feeling, be it a baby or any other new gift in our lives.
ReplyDeletealso - i too was kinda sad about having to leave the strenuous Ashtanga yoga for my IVF cycle but a couple of weeks later and I don't mind at all. It will be there when I get back.
Ants! So glad u posted this as I feel guilty about my behaviour of late. My partner has been trying to get thru to me that our life is good, if we have another baby, then it will just be better than we already have it. I have spring cleaned since my appt and feel good. Even baked a cake and a new dish for dinner.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad u r enjoying your gym outlet. People underestimate the power of exercise. It's empowering, healthy and a brilliant way to take IF out on a punching bag, treadmill or barbells.
I am a poor SIF'er I think too as having baby #2 is not our first priority. But it's a personal choice and I know if it was a top priority I would have dine AC a year ago.
Thanks for all your support and I cannot wait for your FET!! I will wet my pants for u too, and I've had a baby, so this is highly likely a little bit of wee can fall out as I type this!!!! Xo
hi ants. again thanks for your positive feedback. could you please post back on my blog what the forum was you were talking about. would love to have a read.
ReplyDeleteHow exciting! I LOVE animals too - cows are definitely cute and so are sheep and pigs! DH knows that every holiday we go on I have to have some sort of animal experience, and always have the 'me and some random animal' photo. We have photos of me patting a cheetah in Canberra, a tiger in Thailand, massive tortises in Zanzibar, holding snakes, monkeys and patting dolphins in Singapore, and even paid $800 for one night to stay with giraffe in Nairobi. Australia Zoo is definitely on my list of things I need to do. Oh I'm so excited for you. Tan xx
ReplyDeleteYour attitude is awesome! If we just dwell in this bubble we might just go crazy...it is very healthy to have other things to focus on too. Being a fellow animal lover, I think it is very admirable that you want to study to be a Veterinary Assistant. Go you! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat that you can think positively and feel wonderful heading towards your ET... will no doubt help it to be that much more likely to succeed :))... and lunch afterwards at your favourite resturant sounds like a fantastic idea xo
ReplyDeletehi ants, sorry dont know how else to reply to your post on my blog, as it's likely you will look at your comments again, ill do it here. The flaming Pussy cat and all my pics I just find from google images, I must say if anyone was tracking what i had typed in there have been some weird ones. and yes watch out for those pessaries, all seems fine to begin with, then bam! but im sure it's different for everyone so you may be fine. I had a cold salt water bath and has soothed it quite a bit
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